Sunday, October 28, 2012

... discovering your husband is gay ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

abscbn's umagang kay ganda sent sandra tobillo and ariel rodriguez to ask me the question, "should a wife end her marriage upon discovering that her husband is gay?"  

there is no absolute answer here, because for most of life's complex problems, the answer depends on the situation. 

for sure, we have to take into account the wife's feelings that she had been deceived or betrayed. what ensues for her is an emotional roller coaster ride of shock, denial, anger, depression, guilt, and shame.  a general principle for the wife is for her not to make any major decision of separation until she's gotten off that emotional roller coaster ride.  major decisions are better made with clear minds; impulsive emotional decisions may be regretted later on.  

in clinical practice, the women i talk to with this sort of problem react in various ways.  many women will decide to stay in the relationship as long as the husband decides never to act on his homosexual urges again.  other women, without batting an eyelash, will wholeheartedly decide to separate.  and some women can tolerate or will not even care whether their husband is homosexual as long as "walang ibang babae at ako ang uuwian," they say.  

at the end, before the woman makes a final decision, she will have to consider the long-term effects of her decision on the children, parents, relatives, friends, financial status and obligations, and her emotional well-being.