... yahoo OMG!: The Kris-James War ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

The Kris-James ‘war’: At what (emotional) cost?

By Maridol Rañoa-Bismark | Say Cheese! – 1 hour 40 minutes ago

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  Kris Aquino and James Yap

In a war, no one wins. And when the war centers on highly-visible parents, it is the innocent child who suffers all the more.

In the case of Kris Aquino and ex-husband James Yap, it is their five-year-old son Bimby, who emerges as the the worst casualty.

Take it from psychologist-life coach Dr. Randy Dellosa.

“Parental conflict, especially when intense emotions are displayed, is always psychologically toxic and traumatic for children. Children need to feel safe and secure in the company of their parents. When they’re  exposed to their parents’ emotional battles, they grow up feeling worried, afraid, depressed, angry, and insecure,” he says.

Those familiar with the latest Kris-James saga know Bimby saw his parents wrangling right in front of him. Kris even said that she saw the boy crying because he thinks his dad was not telling the truth.

Dellosa explains the heart-rending scene at the lobby of Kris’ place.

“Children want to be loyal to both parents but are sometimes forced to take sides. Sometimes, they even feel that they are the cause of their parents’ arguments.”

When this happens, Dellosa says many children start becoming a problem at school and at home. Others, he adds, cope by turning the table on parents. They start acting like adults towards their ‘immature’ elders.

Damage Control

Luckily, it’s not yet too late.  Dellosa says Kris and/or James can do some damage control to bring Bimby back on track, emotionally.

“First of all, it is important for Kris and James not to quarrel in Bimby’s presence. Secondly, both Kris and James should reassure him of their love and that he is not to blame for their problems. Thirdly, Kris and James should not badmouth each other in front of Bimby. And lastly, they should allow Bimby to express his feelings about his parents and about the situation,” Dellosa states.

For Dellosa, Kris was right in giving up her career so her son can have a quiet life

“Philippine showbiz is all about drama, controversy, and scandal and thus, it might be a good decision for Kris to leave showbiz if she really wants to live a simpler and more quiet life,” he explains.

What’s more important though, is for her to heal and learn from her mistakes.

The psychologist thinks Kris should learn how to interact with James in a more peaceful way and avoid jumping into a rebound relationship.

James needs help too

Let’s not forget James, who needs help as much as Kris and Bimby do.

“It’s important for James to let the dust settle first before making any further moves. He needs to give Kris and Bimby the physical and emotional space that they need. James himself needs to undergo individual counseling so he can deal with his emotional struggles and receive guidance on how to move on,” Dellosa stresses.

He advises Kris and James to get a relationship counselor so they can be civil towards each other and learn how to collaborate in parenting  Bimby.

“Kris and James should remember that they are still role models for Bimby even in the way that they deal with their conflicts,” Dellosa points out.

Parents, he explains, must teach their children to stay calm, rational and pro-active in times of conflict, instead of arguing emotionally or hysterically.

Finally, Dellosa borrows a line from Brad Pitt’s movie, “Troy” and addresses Kris and James.

“You’re still my enemy tonight. But even enemies can show respect.”

The line applies not just to Kris and James, but to other estranged couples and even ex-friends who want to keep their sanity when heated arguments threaten to cloud their judgment, and that of the very people they seek to protect.

... pinoy big brother's grand prize winners! ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

when pinoy big brother first aired on tv in 2005, the whole philippine nation was glued to their tv sets.  the first edition of pbb was unarguably the best.  its first grand prize winner was nene tamayo who amazed us all when she courageously defied big brother to fight for the rights of her fellow housemates.  

i met her last year and not only was she dressed as an angel, she looked every bit heavenly!

and just last week, i met her again and couldn't help noticing how beautiful she gets everytime i see her.  

in pbb's 2nd edition, bea saw emerged as the grand prize winner!  

remember this historic scene wherein bea was aggressively confronted by the ferocious tigress maricris?

 Maricris' famous quote:  "Be hhhanest!!!! "That's a judge!!" 

"I didn't that mommy bei.. I didn't that!!!!"    

last year, i got to meet bea again.  she's all grown up now  yet she's retained her cutie pie looks and charming ways!

through the years, nene tamayo and bea saw have transformed into beautiful women.  

but not to be outdone, rustom padilla has been going through some remarkable transformation of his own, too!

back in the pbb days

and now, in his bb days!

... gma: wish ko lang helps out soliman cruz ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

it's been more than a decade since i first met soliman cruz.  even from the beginning, i recognized in this actor soliman the marks of genius- his passionate love for acting, his dedication in honing his craft, and his generous desire to teach and coach aspiring artists.  

my impressions of him back then continue up to the present: i still perceive him to be a very right-brained type of person, very feelings-oriented, creative, humorous, free-spirited, and eccentric.  he flows with whatever circumstance he finds or gets himself in and he pours all of himself into the moment.  he treats the world as his playground where he lets his childlikeness cut loose.

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH WITH THIS ONE!  Soliman Cruz in the 
Boysen Paint commercial entitled "Home Sweet Home"

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH WITH THIS ONE TOO!  Soliman Cruz in the 

Boysen Paint commercial entitled "Mother-in-Law"

but like all of us, soliman has within himself demons that taunt him and ghosts that haunt him:  he openly talks to friends and media about his unstable marriage; he himself confesses that he struggles with drug use and has even attended narcotics anonymous support groups in the past; and from his own mouth too, he admits that he converses with the "voices" in his head.  many people, in fact, were both shocked and saddened to see soliman walking aimlessly along Roxas Boulevard like a greased-up hobo, talking to himself and at times, sleeping by the seawall.

a few people reacted quite hastily and angrily when they watched me on tv giving soliman a diagnosis of 'methamphetamine dependence with probable schizophrenia.'  for these people, they considered my action to be a breach of confidentiality between doctor and patient.  

i want to remind them though that there was nothing confidential, nothing secret about his life that i divulged.  the staff of jessica soho and of vicky morales brought soliman to me because for them, it was pretty obvious that he was exhibiting strange (aka abnormal) behaviors.  in fact, it was soliman himself who requested to have personal consultations with me, bringing along with him the tv crews of jessica soho and vicky morales on separate occasions.  

the diagnosis which i gave soliman was based on symptoms and behaviors which soliman himself had divulged to media and which countless others had clearly observed in him.  people don't need specialized knowledge in psychology or psychiatry to know that "conversing with voices in the head" and "shabu use" are not normal.  in giving soliman a diagnosis, i merely translated into medical jargon the symptoms which soliman himself had announced to media: 

-  soliman admitted to media hearing voices in his head + talking to the voices. medical translation: hallucinations -> psychosis -> probable schizophrenia

-  soliman admitted to media his history of shabu use + battling addiction + attendance at narcotics anonymous groups." medical translation:  methamphetamine dependence.

what people don't know is that soliman and i had discussed beforehand about the content of the interview and thus, soliman, with full awareness, granted me permission to say whatever i said on tv.  in fact, it was i who was protective of soliman by constantly reminding the tv crew through text messages not to portray soliman in bad light, lest his career gets ruined.

jessica soho's and  vicky morales' teams brought soliman cruz to my clinic with noble intentions: 
(1) to get soliman cruz treated and rehabilitated, 
(2) to educate the public about the psychiatric consequences of illicit drug use, and most importantly, 
(3) to instill hope in soliman cruz and give him a new lease on life.

soliman publicly claims that he is able to ignore the voices in his head when it is time to act, and this is exemplary proof of how single-minded and focused he can be as an actor.  in fact, soliman's exceptional acting prowess was again displayed in the recent award-winning movie 'el presidente.'  

as a last word, i want to say that giving soliman cruz a psychiatric diagnosis does not, in any way, diminish his dignity as a person, his genius as an artist, and his likeability as a friend.  and while some people have nothing better to do than create sensationalized controversies about him or me, i would rather let soliman know that if ever and whenever he needs my help, i'll gladly be there to help him like i've always done in the past!   

... shirley m. pizarro of the GMA artist center ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

if i didn't know anything about shirley pizarro, i would think that she was one simple and ordinary family person.  and indeed, that's primarily what she is.  she identifies herself as a wife first, and a mother second.  along with her husband christopher, she's done a good job in raising 4 bright and bubbly kids- there's averill who's a magna cum laude, alfonso carlo who's a cum laude, angelo gabriel who's a voracious reader and writer, and arielle who's aiming to be a high school valedictorian. now who wouldn't be proud of having kids like these?  besides passing on good genes (may pinagmanahan, ika nga), shirley and hubby have done well in imparting good values onto their children.  

but the thing is, i do know who shirley matias-pizarro is,  and thus i know that she is NOT just a simple and ordinary family person.  for decades now, this lady has been wearing many professional hats, with one hat atop another.  for those of you who don't know her, this superlady deserves a 10-minute drumroll prior to her introduction:  to start with, shirley is an events and publicity consultant for the GMA Artist Center. she is also a talent manager of actors and actresses with "real and brilliant" talent (Cesar Montano being one of those).  many people know shirley as a columnist for Manila Bulletin's entertainment section, and moreover, she serves as an untiring consultant for many other projects. shirley may be a low-profile person, but this lady MAKES the stars!

as a psychologist for the entertainment industry, i do a lot of life coaching and drama therapy sessions with actors and actresses for their personal and professional growth, and so, i became utterly excited to pick the mind of this lady veteran of the entertainment industry. throughout her career, she's witnessed the comings and goings, the travails and victories, the ups and downs in the actual lives of people in showbiz.  

i posed to shirley this question, "if you were to give 3 tips to aspiring actors and actresses, what would they be?"  here's a paraphrase of what she shared: (1)  nothing beats having an education.  if young people should choose between getting an education or entering showbiz, education should be it!  (2)  artists should retain good values, and be able to separate their personal/ family life from their showbiz life instead of allowing those two lives to enmesh and mess up each other.  and lastly, (3) actors and actresses should keep themselves rooted to the ground, and avoid self-inflating their egos.  after experiencing some degree of success, many actors and actresses start having a "star complex" and feel a sense of "entitlement" just because they are "stars."

listening to shirley pizarro is like listening to an enlightened master spewing out nuggets of wisdom.  as a last word, she tells me that actors and actresses need to learn the value of hard work. "they have to realize that fame and fortune from showbiz does not last, and that there are more essential things in life like getting an education, developing your character, and having good values." 

thank you shirley.  i hope that all budding and established actors and actresses not only hear your words, but more importantly, heed them.  God bless you, your family, and your work!  
  

... kapamilya deal or no deal screening ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

my job as a psychological screener is to give a series of psychological tests as the basis for picking the contestants who will come out on the show.  on every screening day, there are hundred of hopefuls wishing that it would be their lucky day.  

here are the dedicated people who untiringly work behind the scenes to make kapamilya deal or no deal a smash hit of a game show! 

people often ask me who mr. banker is?  truth is, only big brother knows.  being the sleuth that i am, i visited their facebook accounts to find out what they really look like ... and boy, was i in for a surprise!

here is big brother's profile pic:

and here is the banker's profile pic:

hmm, what an uncanny resemblance they have of each other.  

... Yahoo OMG: "The Mistress" with Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd Cruz ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

The well loved onscreen tandem, 

Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd Cruz reunite 

for Star Cinema's "The Mistress."

First, there was “No Other Woman.” Then came “The Mistress”, and now, “A Secret Affair.”

Why do stories about infidelity spring up like mushrooms these days?  What’s with all these moaning and groaning in dark corners while the innocent spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend is not looking? Just as important, why do movies that make peeping toms out of moviegoers make such a killing at the box-office?

Movies being the mirrors of life that they are, the answer is easy: we love being voyeurs.    Another thing is, even the most reclusive of people know of a mistress in their circle.  It’s something a conservative country like the Philippines is teeming with. And it’s grist for the gossip mill.

Psychologist’s view

Showbiz  psychologist Dr. Randy Dellosa thinks films about third parties create emotions so strong, people can’t resist queuing up to cinemas. He thinks there’s something in these movies for everyone.

“Those who have had a first-hand experience of secret affairs in their own relationship  will readily identify with the actress playing the mistress or commiserate with the anguish of the betrayed wife."

"Those unhappy in their current relationship may be drawn to such movies because of a subconscious wish to engage in secret affairs themselves,” he explains.

To be sure, not all mistresses are the same.  Some are cruel down to their bone marrows.  Others are simply in it for the money. The scenarios are endless.

As the Holy Bible says, judge not, lest ye be judged.

But one thing's sure -- mistresses make interesting characters.  There's never a dull moment with them.  And they're usually sexier, better dressed, even younger than the wife.

So their presence — on screen or off -- are riveting.  Think Anne Curtis ("No Other Woman)" and Andi Eigenmann ("A Secret Affair), whose role as third parties add spice and eye candy to the film.  Besides, when the faces — and the bodies — are these tempting, can moviegoers of both sexes resist?

This is the stuff blockbusters are made of.  So producers cash in on the money back guarantee as if there's no tomorrow.