... breaking up is hard to do: relationship / couples counseling in the philippines ... (psychiatrist, psychologist, psychotherapist, life coach)

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"word up" is a youth-oriented television program which airs on the nbn and zoe channels. the segment they did was on the topic of relationship break-ups. i said much more during the interview but these are some few tips i'd like to share with you at the moment:

. (1) first of all, accept it dude, it's over! some relationships aren't meant to be, just like the one you came from.

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(2) kill the hope! as long as you keep a tiny spark of hope for reconciliation, you are NOT going to move on! so how do you kill the hope? well, accept and keep on accepting that it's over!

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(3) grieve. a part of you has died. your dreams and plans as a couple have died. feel your grief, don't suppress it. it's natural and normal to go through a grieving process after a break-up.

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(4) give up plans of revenge. put your "evil" side to rest. if you take revenge, you'll just give your ex more reasons to validate the break-up. you'll come out as the "bad guy" and you'll certainly regret your wicked deeds later on. furthermore, if you take revenge, again, you haven't accepted that IT'S OVER, DUDE! IT'S OVER!

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(5) no relationships on the rebound please. when one jumps into a relationship right after a break-up, it's usually one of four things: it's done out of revenge; it's done as a desperate attempt to make the ex jealous; it's done as an attempt to escape from the loneliness of a break-up; or, it's done as an attempt to move on. please, don't make matters worse by entering into a rebound relationship. finish your grieving process first, and then be a whole and happy person again before getting into a new relationship.

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(6) get emotional support from family and friends. if you've become emotionally bankrupt, well, start filling yourself up again with the warmth and care of people who love you.

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(7) distract yourself. when you're tired of feeling your gloomy feelings, distract yourself by going out with friends, watching tv, listening to music (not the sentimental ones, obviously), attending a fellowship, learning a new sport or craft, getting a massage, and so on and so forth. distractions may be emotional "band-aids" but any distraction is better than none at all.

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(8) decide to stop getting depressed. well, not too soon. they say that the grieving period lasts from 6 months to 2 years. just realize that the cliche is actually true- that "time heals all (or most) wounds." trust your process. when it's time to get up and start going again, you naturally and certainly will!

. (9) and lastly, get professional help if you start hurting yourself (e.g., cutting), or become suidical, or feel that you're depression is getting worse. remember, there is always hope and help available for you.

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