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The Cheating Curve (excerpts)
By Marian Trinidad
Men’s Health Philippines 2010

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Psychologist and psychiatrist Randy Dellosa, MD says that while society speaks ill of infidelity, cheating is "popularly accepted as normal and even expected behavior of men" in the Philippines.

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Infidelity, according to Dr. Dellosa, occurs when there is a violation of couple's contract to be intimate and exclusive partners. It comes in many forms, like flirting, cybersex, emotional affairs, correspondence through e-mail or SMS, and sexual relations.
. Dr. Dellosa, renowned life coach, explains that cheating happens when any of the main ingredients of a relationship—passion, commitment and intimacy—are found to be wanting.

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Dr. Dellosa explains that cheating involves elements of boundary violations, deception and denial. He reveals that most women consult him because they felt betrayed by their partners. "Initially upon discovery of the betrayal, the betrayed partner experiences an overwhelming mix of shock, anger, disillusionment and grief," he explains.
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Aside from the emotional anguish, Dr. Dellosa adds that the betrayed partner is usually confused whether to continue or call it quits as a couple.

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HOW WE HEAL
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Dr. Dellosa points out that relationships may never be the same after an infidelity. But he stresses that while emotional healing may be challenging, it is possible. He enumerates these steps:

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• Owe up to your offense .
• Don't find fault in her, your job, or other external excuses to latch on. You made a mistake, move on and figure out how to rectify the situation.
• Empathize with her emotions.
• She'll give you a hard time for quite a while. Suck it up. Listen to what she has to say. Take her out like you used to—she'll appreciate the effort.
• Show remorse.
• Suggest and show up at marriage counseling. Express your regret shamelessly, but sincerely. Be as humbled as you were when you first courted her.
• Commit to change.
• Consult a psychiatrist, see your parish priest, or join a spiritual group for guidance.
• Cut off contact with the other woman.
• Erase your mistress from your phonebook, quit your job if you must, to avoid her with certainty.
• Now that you really do have free time, use it with your family.

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