PBB 737: The Psychology of Infatuation and Infidelity: Ang Paglalaro ng Apoy nina Kamille at Kenzo

Kenzo to Kamille: Kung iisipin mo talaga, yung walang feelings, 

alam mo yung tamang gawin at hindi tama di ba? 

eh may feelings...

(Kenzo to Kamille: If you really think about it without involving your feelings,
you'll know what's right or wrong to do, isn't it?
The thing is however, there are feelings...) 

Having been a relationship counselor for many years, the number one problem that I encounter among couples is that of infidelity. Infidelity happens when the promise to be faithful to each other during a relationship is broken. 

I would like to use the relationship of Kamille and Kenzo as a case study for infidelity.  The problem of infidelity is a topic that is important to discuss because if it can happen among teens inside Kuya's house, then the more it can happen to anyone in the real world.

To start with, we need to ask whether infidelity is involved in the relationship of Kamille and Kenzo?

The answer is "yes!" Kamille does not only have a current boyfriend Justin, but also a child by him. Hence, the romantic friendship of Kamille and Kenzo is undeniably a betrayal.  Theirs is clearly "forbidden love."  

It is an obvious infidelity because before Kamille entered Kuya's house, Justin and Kamille had an ongoing relationship and kept a promise that they would be faithful to each other.  In fact, even Kamille admits her mistake about this.  

In this forbidden relationship, Kamille is considered to be the "cheater" or "two-timer." And as for Kenzo, he is the "third party," the "homewrecker," or in Miley Cyrus' terms, the "wrecking ball."  Justin and child are considered "the betrayed parties" or plainly, the "victims."

How did Kamille and Kenzo's romantic friendship happen?

The romantic relationship happened spontaneously, out of their infatuation for each other. 

Infatuation is an intense liking for each other. It is infatuation that created Kamille and Kenzo's whirlwind romance. 

People might call it "love at first sight," but in reality, there is no love involved.  Infatuation is more of an emotional high or sensual lust rather than true love. In tagalog, it is termed "kahalingan" or "kahibangan sa pagibig." 

Is the infatuation of Kamille and Kenzo wrong?

Definitely not! Infatuation is not willfully planned; it appears suddenly as an emotional impulse. They did not want infatuation to happen.  It just happened!

Where does infatuation originate?

There are many explanations for infatuation.

Infatuation happens on a subconscious level. It is our subconscious mind that selects the person we get infatuated with. 

Personally, I feel that infatuation is experienced more strongly by people who are emotionally needy and deprived. The more emotionally needy or emotionally deprived a person is, the greater the tendency to quickly fall in love.  

What are the types of people we get infatuated or obsessed with? 

We get infatuated with a person whom we subconsciously feel will meet our strong emotional needs. 

We also get infatuated with a person who subconsciously reminds us of a parent figure. A case in point might be your own romantic relationship: If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend right now, ask yourself whether your partner has more of your father's or mother's personality.    

Kenzo:  I know that you know it's wrong, 

but I also know that you know you can't stop it!

What is wrong in the Kamille and Kenzo relationship?

Infatuation is not inherently wrong. What is wrong in this situation is that both Kamille and Kenzo acted on their infatuation, thereby leading to an infidelity.  Never mind if a boyfriend and child are waiting for Kamille outside Kuya's house.  Never mind too if the same boyfriend and child are watching the minute details of their PDA on national TV.

Kamille's mistake was that she failed to set up and maintain her emotional boundaries.  As for Kenzo, he unthinkingly intruded into the emotional space rightfully belonging to Justin and Kamille's baby. 

In fact, if not for Kuya's wise and timely interventions, the romantic friendship would blossom into a full-blown affair. 

Kamille and Kenzo are proof that good and intelligent people can lose their minds and morals as they get overwhelmed by the passion of the moment.

Reports have it that Justin is allegedly a "bad" boyfriend.  Isn't this a good reason for Kamille to look for someone else?

It doesn't matter much whether Justin was a good or bad boyfriend.  The fact is that Kamille and Justin are currently in an ongoing relationship.

The accepted protocol is this:  You should officially break up with your current partner before getting into a new relationship. If you don't break up officially, then it is clearly cheating.  

If you're in the same situation as Kamille and Kenzo, what are some tips to help you get over an infatuation and avoid infidelity?

There are many tips I could give but I'll just give you 4:

1. Make a firm decision to end infatuation or infidelity.
2. Avoid the person as much as possible.  As long the person you obsess about is within range, temptation always abounds!  Keep in mind that saying, "Out of sight, out of mind."
3. Distract yourself with enjoyable activities and the company of your friends.
4. And here's the most important and effective tip of all:  Instead of obsessing on your crush, focus on the loving memories and feelings you have had with your current partner. According to research, it is true LOVE that can extinguish the high of an infatuation!    

So peepz, the lesson here is for you not to be enslaved by your passionate desires and raging hormones.  

Even if you truly have fallen "in love" with someone else other than your current partner, it can never be a licence to be unfaithful.   

Remember, not everyone you're in love with is meant to be for you! 

As for third parties, simple lang naman, huwag mong harutin ang dyowa ng iba!