Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of human existence. Conflict
in itself is not bad. When handled
properly, conflicts teach us to practice open-mindedness, tolerance, and
compromise.
However, when handled poorly, conflict can easily escalate into verbal
mud-slinging, finger-pointing, character assassination, and violent
outbursts. The result is an unending
cycle of “blaming-attacking-defending” wherein everyone ends up exhausted and
disgruntled.
Conflicts are often a result of sheer pride and stubbornness. Just like children, some adults throw
tantrums in order to make themselves feel powerful and in control. The conflict would have been easily
avoided if the conflicting parties simply yielded and gave up in defending
their hard-line stance.
Anger always carries with it the potential for psychological and
physical injury towards others. Hence,
it should always be tempered and must be expressed only in socially acceptable
ways.
Psychologists have come up with rules for fair fighting: (1) Keep it private. (2) Remain cordial and respectful despite
differences. (3) Focus on root problems. (4) Understand each other’s
perspectives. (5) Focus on finding
solutions.
People have
different strategies for keeping cool.
One quick remedy for cooling down a hot-head is to do some breathing
exercises. When people are angry, a
person’s muscles become very tense and inhaling more oxygen in the body is
quick way to relax both body and mind.
Another
strategy to keep cool is by engaging oneself in diversions such as playing computer
games, listening to music, watching TV, or talking to friends. Any distracting activity in fact will quickly
dissipate the anger.
And thirdly,
one can remain cool by adopting an attitude of merely “letting go.”
It is very
difficult and almost impossible to be clear-headed in the midst of an intense
argument. People consumed by their anger
do not think logically and commit acts that they would later regret.
The best way
to attain mental and emotional clarity during a heated argument is to “take a
break” and withdraw from the situation.
This gives the conflicting parties some time to calm down and think more
rationally. The goal of the “break” is
to meet again at a latter time with cooler heads and with a focus on finding
solutions instead of making personal attacks on each other.
Some principles
on anger management:
One can be
assertive without needing to be violent or aggressive.
It is not wrong to stand on an issue but
some issues are simply not worth the fight.
It takes a mature and courageous person to admit his or her part
in the problem and then actively seek for reconciliation.
More lessons we need to learn:
We need to learn how to treat people, even our enemies, with
respect and dignity even in the midst of conflict.
Keeping peaceful relations should be made priority over
winning an argument or forcing what one thinks is right.
We need to let our bruised egos heal and be willing to
forgive.
