Monday, November 4, 2013

Yahoo!: So is Freddie Aguilar a Cradle Snatcher? Understanding the Dynamics of their May-December Affair (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, quezon city, manila, philippines)

A psychologist’s view: why Freddie Aguilar fell for a very young girl

By Dr. Randy Dellosa, Your Online Shrink | Yahoo SHE – Mon, Oct 21, 2013 9:03 AM PHT

“6” seems to be the magic number in the latest showbiz controversy involving Freddie Aguilar. The 60-year old veteran folk singer admitted to being in love with 16-year old Jovi Gatdula in a relationship now going on its 6th month. With an age difference of almost half a century between them, their May-December affair should more aptly be called a January-December affair.

Philippine showbiz has had its share of May-December relationships, the more famous pairs being Dolphy and Zsazsa Padilla, Vic Sotto and Pauleen Luna, Vicky Belo and Hayden Kho, and the unforgettable tandem of Kris Aquino and James Yap. But if May-December affairs are a common occurence in showbiz, why is senior citizen Freddie getting flak for his relationship with Jovi? In social media websites, netizens have tagged him as a dirty old man, cradle snatcher, or even worse, a pedophile. Jovi, on the other hand, is perceived as a wild chick and gold-digger.

In reality, it is common and natural for older men to get attracted to younger ladies. A case in point is when husbands go philandering, they usually hunt for flings or get mistresses younger than their wives. In terms of evolution, males are biologically wired to select younger females for two reasons: (1) younger women have greater child-bearing potential than older females and (2) younger women have a greater chance of producing healthier offspring which ensures continuance of the human race. Hence, for Ka Freddie to choose a youngster, he was just functioning according to the dictates of his biological wiring.

Of course, Ka Freddie gets psychological perks from this May-December relationship, too. In real life, the possibility for a senior citizen to catch a frisky young thing is rather slim and almost nil. So for Ka Freddie to actually win Jovi’s heart is not only an achievement, it is short of miraculous! Ka Freddie has proven to himself that he still has the “mojo” to win a trophy girlfriend. What other guys just dream of, Ka Freddie has actually attained!

As for Jovi falling in love with an older man, there too is a psychological explanation for such behaviour. Scientific studies point out that teenage girls are more emotionally mature than their male peers by 2 years. It also is common for girls to gravitate towards “father figures.” And so, if teenage girls want to have an emotionally satisfying relationship, their tendency is to look for more mature boys with a fatherly streak in them. For Jovi then, it was a simple case of “overkill.” The boy of her dreams turned out to be more mature than anyone ever expected. She didn't just choose someone fatherly, she chose someone grandfatherly.

So the question remains, is Ka Freddie Aguilar really a dirty old man, cradle snatcher, or pedophile? The categorical answer is “no!” In an interview on television, Ka Freddie explained that he spotted Jovi at a campaign sortie and fell in love with her at first sight. He also revealed that Jovi looked physically mature for her age and “...was already my girlfriend when I found out she was only 16.” It wasn’t like Ka Freddie was intentionally prowling for vulnerable and virginal schoolgirls. He fell in love with an adult-looking young lady who unfortunately was of juvenile age. It was an honest mistake.

Because their relationship defies cultural convention, it is understandable that people would feel squeamish at the thought of their love affair. Nevertheless, we still need to respect the couple instead of bashing them. Who knows? Theirs could be true and lasting love after all.

Although Freddie and Jovi’s May-December relationship proves that love and passion are ageless, the fact remains that Jovi is still a pubertal lass. Their relationship therefore has to be under the strict supervision of Jovi's parents.

Personally, I do not endorse May-December affairs especially between seniors and minors, but since theirs is already existing with the consent of Jovi's parents, what more worthy advice could I give Ka Freddie except to go slow on passion and focus instead on building the solid foundations of their friendship. We also hope that Freddie guides Jovi into prioritizing her family and studies over anything else, and that he inspires her to become the mature and responsible adult that she ought to be.

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