Yahoo! article: Survival Guide for the Broken-Hearted (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

Survival Guide for the Broken Hearted

by Randy Dellosa

Whether you're a guy or girl, mending a broken heart is never easy to do.  Experts say that it can take anywhere from 6 months to 8 years for you to get over the heartache from a breakup.  In fact, many clients of mine talk about their heartaches as if it was just a recent event, even if it happened many years or decades ago. 

Being broken-hearted is like plunging into a hell of deep dark emotions.  You’ll experience cyclical waves of emptiness, disbelief, disillusionment, devastation, grief, guilt, loneliness, depression, bitterness, rage, and confusion.  However, with the passage of time, the heavy emotions should slowly subside.  

In my many years of counselling one broken-hearted person after another, I've learned from them some strategies that speed up the process of emotional healing:

1. First of all, accept that it’s all over!  Like your own failed relationship, some relationships aren't meant to last. Accept the fact that your “ex” came into your life just for a reason and for a season.  But for a lifetime? Nah!
2. Grieve and don’t resurrect a dead relationship.  Not only have your plans and dreams as a couple ended, but a big chunk of your inner being has died too.  Grieving is the heart-wrenching process of putting closure to another chapter in your life.
3. Kill the hope!  As long as you keep alive a tiny spark of hope for reconciliation, you are NOT going to move on!  As long as you still harbor the fantasy or wish of getting back together, the emotional roller coaster ride is going to continue.  
4. Give up plans of revenge, and put your "evil" side to rest.  If you take revenge, you'll just be giving your “ex” more reasons to validate the breakup.  You'll come out as the bad guy and you'll certainly regret your wicked deeds later on.  Furthermore, if you take revenge, this only means one thing:  that you still haven't accepted the fact that IT'S ALL OVER!
5. No relationships on the rebound please.  If you jump into a relationship right after your breakup, it'll mean one of four things:  (1) You're doing it as a desperate attempt to make your “ex” jealous; (2) you're doing it as an attempt to escape from your loneliness; (3) you're doing it to make your “ex” think that you’re coping well; or (4) you're doing it as a premature attempt to move on.  Truth is, you only make matters worse by entering into a rebound relationship.  Finish your grieving process first and be a whole and happy person again before embarking on a new relationship.  
6. Get emotional support from family and friends.  Your breakup may have made you feel emotionally bankrupt.  Since you’re driving on empty, start guzzling down the warmth and care of people who love you.  Don't stay isolated.  Even if you don't feel like socializing, allow your family and friends to temporarily distract you from your heartache.
7. Distract yourself with activities.  When you're tired from wallowing in sadness, distract yourself by watching TV, listening to upbeat music, learning a new sport or craft, pampering yourself with massage, and so on and so forth.  Remember:  any distraction is better than none.
8. Stop stalking and spying on your “ex’s” Facebook and Twitter account. Every new detail you learn about your “ex” is only going to mess up your mind!
9. Develop a spiritual perspective.  Spirituality teaches you the great lesson that you cannot permanently hold on to anything and anyone in this life.  For some circumstances in our life, the appropriate thing to do is to simply “let go and let God."
10. And lastly, get professional help if you start hurting yourself (by self-cutting or alcohol/drug abuse), become suicidal, or feel that you're depression is worsening.

Recovering from a break-up is a deathly slow but natural process.  Have faith in knowing that “time heals all wounds (or at least, most wounds).”  And when your inner wisdom senses that you've recovered enough to move on, you’ll naturally gain the strength to crawl out of your dark emotional pit and start living life all over again.

Yahoo! article: The Psychology of Acquaintance Rape: Does Vhong Fit the Profile of a Rapist?

The Psychology of Acquaintance Rape:  

Does Vhong Fit the Profile of a Rapist?

by Randy Dellosa

As the trial by publicity of Vhong Navarro and Deniece Cornejo continues, the foremost question on everyone’s mind is whether Vhong Navarro really raped Deniece Cornejo or not. Whoever you believe to be victim or villain, the Vhong-Deniece incident has brought to the spotlight an all-too-common but ignored issue faced by women worldwide- that of acquaintance rape. 

Rape is the crime of coercing or manipulating another person to engage in sexual intercourse. 

Contrary to popular belief, most rapes are not committed by strangers lurking in the shadows. In fact, the most common form of rape is committed by someone whom the victim knows: an acquaintance, a friend, a neighbour, an authority figure, a relative, or even one's spouse (as in marital rape). This type of rape is called "acquaintance rape."

Even if two people were sexual partners in the past, this does not mean that rape cannot occur. Rape is rape as long as the sexual activity between two people is non-consensual. 

When rape happens in the context of a dating relationship, it is known as “date rape.” Date rapists often get their victim drunk with alcohol, stoned on marijuana, or intoxicated by a drug-laced drink. These substances usually have an effect of making the victim either ‘horny’ or physically weakened to the point of not being able resist the rapist.

However, not all acquaintance rapists use brute strength to obtain sex. Some rapists terrorize women through threats or blackmail.

It is natural for women to put up a fight against the rapist. Unfortunately, some rapists get more sexually excited by women who play hard to get and who resist their advances. 

On the other hand, some women get overtaken by terror and simply submit to the rape for fear that they may get beaten, tortured, or killed. In this case, submitting oneself to being raped is a survival strategy and should not be mistaken for consensual sex. Sadly, women who do not struggle and who “give in” to the rapist are unfairly judged as having “asked for it.” Oftentimes, these victims of rape are blamed for having encouraged or seduced their assailant.

As to the question of whether Vhong Navarro fits the profile of a rapist or not, unfortunately, there is no common or typical profile of a rapist. An acquaintance rapist is indistinguishable from anyone else. We cannot tell who a rapist is based on their age, physical looks, socio-economic status, educational attainment, religious involvement, and even from the psychological tests. Rapists come in all forms and might even be well-liked and highly-respected figures in their community. Each rapist is different in their personality traits, their motives for rape, and their “style” of raping.

What we do know are possible factors which can contribute to a man’s tendency to rape. These factors include:

• Espousing the belief that real men should be able to "score" by hook or by crook.
• The use of alcohol and drugs which causes an increase in sexual impulsivity and sexual aggression. 
• Being in the company of sexually aggressive or sexually impulsive male friends.
• The consumption of pornography which depict sado-masochistic themes, blatant sexual abuse, or rape scenes.

The five common ingredients for rape to occur are the following: 

1. A secluded location,
2. the presence of a woman,
3. a horny guy,
4. the use of an intoxicating substance, and 
5. the likelihood of not getting caught in the act. 

Having counseled many victims of acquaintance rape, I notice that they tend to keep the traumatic incident to themselves. They blame themselves for what happened and fear that their story is going to be disbelieved or belittled by others. At times, confusion sets in as they wonder whether they are just making a big deal of the incident since the assailant was their acquaintance anyway. It is only when rape victims break their silence and undergo counselling that they emotionally heal and move towards recovery.

As for prevention of acquaintance rape, the simplest tips for women are these:

• Avoid getting drunk or stoned.
• Avoid secluded places.
• Trust your instincts.
• Immediately leave a guy who makes you feel any bit nervous or uncomfortable.

Whatever official verdict is made on the Vhong Navarro-Deniece Cornejo incident, the public is now aware of how intricate a problem acquaintance rape can be. In the absence of any hard evidence regarding the rape, it becomes a case of "Deniece's word against Vhong's."  Indeed, acquaintance rape is a serious and complicated problem.  Thus, people now need to learn about it, stand up against it, and learn how it can best be prevented.  

Yahoo!: What is it Like to Use Weed? (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

What is it Like to Use Weed?

by Randy Dellosa

Marijuana in Filipino slang is called “jutes,”chongki,” or simply “damo.” This plant, scientifically known as cannabis, has grabbed the spotlight especially after Colorado became the first American state licensed to sell recreational marijuana. 

In the Philippines, weed is an illegal psycho-active substance which is widely available:  It is easily shared among friends; it is served as food in parties; and reports even have it that weed is sold to students by tricycle drivers in the university belt. 

Because of the culinary craze in this country, users have creatively incorporated marijuana as an ingredient in food and drinks. In fact, one user I know, for lack of culinary creativity, simply sprinkles the dried marijuana leaves on bread, using it as “palaman” for sandwiches. 

As an addictions counselor, my clients narrate to me their experiences of being on weed:  Most of them smoke it as a ‘joint’ or inhale a vaporized version of it. After a minute or so, they start feeling its effects. The effects gradually intensify in around 15-30 minutes and wear off after a few hours.

How weed psychologically affects users is influenced by many factors:

• The time it is taken
• The ambience of the place
• The mood of the user
• The metabolism of the user
• The manner it is taken (whether inhaled or ingested)
• The frequency of its use (whether occasionally or regularly)
• The amount of marijuana
• The quality and variety of the weed used. 

Being a plant, marijuana is considered organic and is likened to tobacco. Unlike tobacco however, its psychological effects are unpredictable for its users. People can get a euphoric “high” from using weed, or they may experience a traumatic “bad trip” from it. Marijuana, for instance, can result in the following effects:

• Relaxation or intense panic attacks
• Alertness or tiredness/sluggishness
• “Food trips” or loss of appetite
• “Laugh trips” or flashbacks of traumatic memories
• “Sex trips” or erectile dysfunction
• Creative solutions or impractical ideas
• Profound realizations or silly insights
• Increased sociability or avoidance of people
• Mental calm or paranoia/hallucinations

Certainly, medical marijuana can help some people manage their anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, insomnia, and anger management problems. However, medical marijuana is not for everyone.  It should be used occasionally or only on short-term basis, and its use should strictly be supervised and monitored by a physician.

In my clinical experience, frequent and heavy long-term weed users carry a higher risk of getting confined in a psychiatric facility for 3 main reasons:

1. they develop an addiction, 
2. they develop psychiatric illnesses such as major depression, anxiety disorder, or schizophrenia, or
3. they develop an “amotivational syndrome” wherein they get too "chill" and become “lazy bums” in the process, losing all interest and motivation for school or work. 

Weed can produce pleasant psychological benefits as much as it can cause deep and permanent psychological harm. Clearly, the bottom line about marijuana use is this: you either get stoned on it, or stoned by it!

Yahoo!: The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome of Senator Miriam (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome of Senator Miriam

by Randy Dellosa

For Miriam Defensor-Santiago to add another feather to her cap is “ho-hum” news. It’s not surprising to know that of all 24 senators, she was the one who churned out the highest number of bills and resolutions for 2013.  Being the workhorse that she is, that would have been completely expected.  The real shocker however is that Senator Miriam accomplished her feat despite being afflicted with the debilitating disorder known as chronic fatigue syndrome.

To give you a feel of what chronic fatigue syndrome is like, just imagine yourself feeling physically weakened, mentally exhausted, and emotionally drained.  And then imagine having to stay in this wasted condition for weeks, months, or years!

As the name implies, chronic fatigue syndrome is characterized by long-term fatigue. It is a debilitating disorder since it disrupts one’s social life, work life, and family life. For Senator Miriam to have this disorder, it would mean that she experienced most, if not all of the following symptoms:

• Extreme tiredness after minimal exertion
• Extreme tiredness which persists despite enough rest
• Medically unexplained body weakness, muscular aches, joint pains, and headaches
• Insomnia or unrestful sleep
• Forgetfulness and/or poor concentration
• Sore throat and lymph nodes in the neck and/or armpits
• Other respiratory, cardiac, and/or digestive problems.

The cause of chronic fatigue syndrome is unknown.  Medical doctors think that it may be due to a viral infection, hormonal imbalance, or a problem with the immune system.  Some psychiatrists have a tendency to think that it might be a variant of major depression, hypochondriasis, or burnout from prolonged and intense stress.  As for Senator Miriam, her chronic fatigue syndrome was reportedly traced to a vitamin D deficiency. 

The treatment of chronic fatigue syndrome usually consists of

• Symptomatic treatment for the body aches and pains
• Antidepressant medication
• Nutritional supplementation
• Health coaching
• Stress reduction
• Wellness therapies such as meditation, gentle exercise, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, cranio-sacral therapy, massage, and other mind-body therapies.

Having had a first-hand experience of the condition, Senator Miriam filed Senate Bill 3195 which aims to increase public awareness of chronic fatigue syndrome. This campaign is important since many patients who suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome don’t even know what their sickness is and what they can do about it. 

Clearly, Senator Miriam should serve as an inspiration to many. If she can be a top notch senator despite being afflicted by chronic fatigue syndrome, it boggles our mind just to imagine what Senator Miriam can accomplish if she didn’t have that dreaded disorder to bog her down!  

The Commercialization of Christmas: In Which Mall would Christ Do his Christmas Shopping?

The Commercialization of Christmas:

In Which Mall would Christ Do his Christmas Shopping?

(Or Would Christ Even Celebrate Christmas?)

by Randy Dellosa

Filipinos pride themselves in having one of the longest Christmas seasons in the world. And this year, the season got even longer. As early as August, Christmas tunes had already been playing in some malls. This is clear proof of how commercialized the Filipino Christmas season has become.

In the movie “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” Charlie Brown’s friend, Lucy, describes Christmas as “one big commercial racket!” And while hers is a cynical remark, no one can deny the truth of it. Businessmen know that their last chance at earning big bucks lies in the last quarter of the year. Of course, the only remaining strategy for raking up sales is to exploit Christmas by hyping it up as the “season for (buying and) giving.”

Christmas commercialism has become somewhat like a new religion. In this religion, Santa Claus replaces Jesus as the “reason for the season.” If we are honest about it, Jesus' birth is used as the “excuse” for celebrating a season marked by materialism, commercialization, and hedonism. The truth is, except for a few random thoughts about Jesus, we hardly think about him during the holidays. Instead, our energies are focused on buying exchange gifts for Kris Kringle, decorating our homes and offices with parols and Christmas trees, and practicing “nae nae” as a dance number for Christmas parties.

In Santa’s religion, we, as his devout followers, flock not to church but to shopping malls and parties. Spiritual activities get replaced by compulsive shopping, gift giving, food bingeing, and revelry. And despite Christianity’s strong condemnation of the “seven deadly sins,” at least two of those deadly sins, namely, avarice (greed) and gluttony are most blatantly practiced during the Christmas celebrations!  Whether we accept it or not, Christmas has devolved into the most un-Christian of seasons.

Those who are observant will also notice the slow and subtle “secularization” of Christmas. This simply means that the religious elements of Christmas are getting “phased out.” Take for instance the following developments:

• Traditional images of Jesus' birth are now regarded as old-fashioned, boring, or too churchy. While Christmas can exist without images of the baby Jesus, today’s Christmas can never be complete without images of Santa Claus, Christmas trees, and candy canes. 
• So as not to offend people of other faiths, the “Merry Christmas!”greeting is now getting replaced with more "politically-correct" and non-religious forms of greeting such as “Happy Holidays!” or “Season’s greetings!” 
• In narrating the story of Christ’s birth, undue emphasis is given to the three magis/kings who gave Jesus the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Focusing on this portion of the Christmas story is the real culprit behind Christmas materialism. 

It is not the three magis but Jesus' parents who are the real heroes of the Christmas story. You can, for instance, imagine Mary's ordeal, as she suffered labor pains all throughout her trip to Bethlehem, up until she gave birth to her child in an unsanitary animal house!

And so, if we go by the trend, we see that Jesus is sneakily getting shoved to the sidelines. For all we know, Jesus himself may one day get eradicated from the very season dedicated to him! And with Santa’s materialistic values lording over the holidays, “Christ-mas” should more aptly be renamed “Santa Claus-mas!”

In discussing the secularization and commercialism of Christmas, this is not to suggest that we become ascetic and shun all manner of materialism and fun during the holidays. After all, gifts can be used as a tangible way of showing our affection to family and friends. And as for having fun during Christmas holidays, it is the natural way to de-stress and recharge at year’s end.

What this article does suggest is that amidst the noise and chaos of the Christmas holidays, perhaps we can momentarily retreat from our worldly concerns and give ourselves the much-needed gift of some quiet soul-searching. In spiritual solitude, we can reflect on the following questions:

• What struggles did I face this year, and what was God teaching me through them?
• How could I have handled those struggles in a more mature way?
• What is God teaching me to accept? 
• What is God teaching me to let go of? 
• What should I be grateful for in this year that passed? 
• What can aid me in my on-going journey towards spiritual growth and maturity? 
• How can I translate my spirituality into action? 
• In reviewing the Christmas story, what is Christ's personal message to me, so that I can make the coming new year a better one for me?

From the Christmas story, let us draw inspiration from Joseph and Mary who, through their strength of spirit, overcame the difficult circumstances surrounding their child’s birth. 

And more importantly, let us draw hope from the story of Jesus’ birth, which speaks of God’s fervent desire to be present among us and be intimately involved in our lives.

Holy CHRISTmas everyone!  You can still choose to make Christ the true reason for this season! :D

Yahoo!: Anne Curtis’ Slapping Frenzy: The Booze Made Her Do It!

Anne Curtis' Slapping Frenzy:  

The Booze Made Her Do It!

by Randy Dellosa

Just like the super typhoon that wreaked havoc on anything that crossed its path, Anne Curtis reportedly brewed up a storm by slapping three innocent people and verbally attacking others.  Witnesses to the commotion instinctively wondered whether she was high on “something,” and indeed, she was.  By her own admission, she was high on alcohol and such intoxication transformed the charming red-lipped lass into an incredible hulk of a drunk. 

In getting herself drunk, Anne Curtis passed through these stages of intoxication: 

• The Euphoria Phase.  In this phase, Anne’s drinking made her feel chill- that is, pleasantly relaxed, sociable, and talkative. 
• The Excitement Phase.  As Anne continued to drink, she progressively became less logical, more emotional, and more impulsive.  Most likely, it was in this excitement phase of drunkenness that the scandalous slapping incident took place. 
• The Confusion Phase.  If ever Anne reached this phase, her mood would have become highly unpredictable and changeable. Her muscular balance would have gotten severely impaired, and she would have just passed out. 
• The Coma and Death Phase.  Thankfully, Anne was far from this phase.  A drinker in this extreme level of intoxication would experience loss of consciousness and possible death from respiratory failure and cardiac arrest.   

We all know that people get drunk in their own unique ways.  Commonly, people feel sleepy; some get giggly; others become weepy; and many act silly.  But in Anne’s case, her drunkenness made her go ballistic!  Just what is it that makes some drunk people go berserk and violent?  

In my clinical encounters with alcoholics, there are four common types of people who I consider prone to becoming aggressive or violent when drunk.  They are the following:

• Naturally hot-headed people.  These are people who are naturally short-tempered even when sober.  For them, to gulp down alcohol is like pouring gasoline on a small fire.  A raging wildfire is the inevitable result!
• People who suppress their negative emotions.  Alcohol intoxication has the effect of dissolving our defense mechanisms.  With nothing to hold down or suppress the negative emotions, the drunk person just goes mega-nega and explodes with the full fury of the volatile emotions!
• Naturally impulsive people.  These are people who live in-the-moment and who never think about the consequences of their actions.  They have poor impulse control and when they drink alcohol, it gets them even more excited to engage in reckless behaviours. 
• People with odd reactions to alcohol.  Some people ingest small amounts of alcohol but the resulting behavioral reactions are extreme.  They become paranoid, disoriented, psychotic, violent, or even suicidal simply because the alcohol doesn’t mix well with their body system. 

In Anne Curtis’ case, she did mention that she just came off a 3-day cleansing juice diet which really could have made her extra-sensitive to the intoxicating effects of alcohol.  The high level of alcohol could have “short-circuited” Anne Curtis’ brain, thereby making her experience what psychiatrists call a ‘blackout.” A blackout is a period of temporary amnesia in which drunk people become unaware of what they are saying or doing, and have no memory of what happened.  

If there is any good that resulted from Anne Curtis’ drunken behaviour, it is the reminder to us all that alcohol is no simple and harmless beverage. The truth is that alcohol is a powerful mind-altering substance which can make us lose our self-control and bring out the beast in us.  Perhaps, we should emulate Anne Curtis' resolution to "drink in moderation," or better still, not drink at all!

Yahoo!: Why People Donate to Disaster Victims (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

Why People Donate to Disaster Victims
by Randy Dellosa

Super typhoon Yolanda wreaked havoc as she rampaged through the Philippines. The violent pouring of rain, the furious blasting of wind, and the torrential surging of flood waters pitifully soaked Tacloban and its surrounding areas into a lamentable state of calamity. 


When disasters of this magnitude happen, those who are directly unaffected by the disaster often display an overwhelming desire to help the victims. They may not necessarily go to the calamity area, but one way they offer help is through the donation of cash and kind. 


The word “donation” refers to the generous gesture of sharing to the needy. Donating time and effort, cash or kind to disaster victims is a charitable act. However, those who donate differ in their underlying motivations and reasons for doing so. 

What factors might influence people to donate to disaster victims?

• Compassion. Many people donate out of true compassion. They empathize with the harrowing experience of the disaster victims and sincerely want to help them in their sufferings. These compassionate people feel the fear, grief, shock, and sense of vulnerability which disaster victims go through. Compassionate people know that another person's ordeal could have been their own so they are willing to go an extra mile in comforting those in need.  

• Regional affiliation. Some people donate only due to regional affiliation or connection. For instance, a person from Tacloban who resides in Manila would obviously be concerned about the safety of his relatives and townsfolk in Tacloban. Had the calamity happened elsewhere, he might have cared less or not at all. 

• Sense of accomplishment. Some people belong to socio-civic or advocacy groups and actually enjoy doing noble projects that uplift the lot of the people. For them, it is a joy to donate their time, money, and efforts for the benefit of the less fortunate. 

• Guilt feelings. Some people donate out of guilt feelings. They feel a sense of shame as they bask in the comfort and luxury of their own homes while some countrymen of theirs are homeless, hungry, and drenched in the rain. Hence, to appease themselves of their emotional discomfort, they give donations to the victims.

•  Sense of obligation. Some people donate simply because they’re expected to do so by their school, church, organization, or society. 

• Image enhancement. Some people donate to earn so-called “pogi” points and gain press mileage. Actors, actresses, and politicians are notoriously known for this. They are deemed dubious and self-serving because they display their charitable acts for all to see.

• Excess wealth. Some people donate from their excess wealth. They simply have too much luxury and the little bit that they give to the disaster victims is really inconsequential to them.

When we Filipinos act from a true spirit of compassion, it is not merely time and effort, cash or material kind that we donate. When we are truly compassionate, whatever we give to others is a sharing not only from ourselves, but also from deep within us.


Giving donations and doing charitable acts for disaster victims prove that our core values of bayanihan and damayan are still alive and not yet out-moded. We need to show the disaster victims that our pagkakaisa is not limited just to backing up our beauty contestants in international pageants or cheering for our boxers who compete in title fights.  In sharing to the disaster victims what we can give, we help to keep their hopes and spirit alive as we journey with them through thick and thin.

Yahoo!: Pinoy Men Raped by Women (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

Pinoy Men Raped by Women
by Randy Dellosa

We all know that males can rape other males. Stories abound, for instance, of male inmates geting anally raped by co-prisoners. Every now and then, we also read tabloid news about straight guys getting sexually molested by unscrupulous gay men. And ever since the influx of Pinoy OFWs to countries in the Middle East, we’ve heard countless tales of male Middle Easterners using Pinoy men as a favorite outlet for their sexual urges.

But how about men getting raped by women? Can such incidents actually happen? I never gave these questions a thought until some male clients consulted me for psychotherapy after having suffered such an ordeal.



Jerome (not his real name) was one of those guys. Being a Dean’s Lister and varsity player in an elite school, this teen heartthrob always had girls madly swooning over him. At a party one night, he was given a drug-laced drink that made him black out. When he regained consciousness, he shockingly realized that he was tied to the bedposts with an unknown young lady straddling atop his naked body. He knew that he had an erection at that time but didn’t want to have one. Still woozy from the drink, he felt utterly weak and helpless and didn’t even have the strength to tell the lady to stop whatever she was doing. He again lost consciousness and when he woke up in the early morning, he was alone, untied, and still naked under a bed sheet. He rushed home feeling extremely angry, humiliated, violated, and puzzled about what had happened. Keeping the shameful experience to himself, this young man sank into a deep depression and lost all zest for living. 

Female-to-male rape happens in a condition wherein the male is rendered weak, unconscious, or unable to resist the sexual victimization. The easiest way for this to happen is for the woman to get the guy dead drunk, intoxicated with some mind-altering substance, or knocked-out by a tranquilizer or sleeping pill. Another common way is for the woman to use emotional blackmail in coercing the man to sexually penetrate her with his erect penis. Emotional blackmail can take the form of suicidal threats, threats to divulge the guy’s secrets, or threats to ruin his reputation, career, or existing relationships. A third way is to physically threaten the guy at gun- or knife-point. And lastly, especially for Amazonian women trained in martial arts, they could simply use brute strength to subdue the guy and tie him up.



Many people do not believe that female-to-male rape can happen. The main reason for this disbelief is that guys are generally the stronger sex and should therefore be capable of warding off unwanted advances by women. Secondly, guys are stereotyped to be sex machines that crave for sex all the time and should even welcome the "lucky" opportunity to be raped by a woman.  Thirdly, if an erection and/or ejaculation occurred during the rape, people quickly jump to the conclusion that the guy must have consented and enjoyed the sexual act.

The truth is that erections and ejaculations can occur outside of sexual pleasure. Medically, it can happen during sleep, in epileptic attacks, or from asphyxiation due to hanging. Even males who are quadriplegic can have them. And for some guys, their genitals are just so extremely sensitive that even the slightest non-sexual touch would immediately get them rock-hard. The bottom line is that erections and ejaculations are not evidence that raped guys consent to having sex.



So why do women rape? Some are nymphomaniacs a.k.a. female sex addicts who want sex by whatever means. Some harbor anger towards guys and retaliate through rape. Some want to get pregnant by a guy whom they like but who wouldn’t want to have sex with them. And finally, some are sexual sadists who take their dominatrix roles too an extreme by emasculating innocent men through forced sex.

As for the effects of rape, male survivors commonly develop low self-esteem, relationship problems, major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, erectile dysfunction, psychosomatic illnesses, or addiction. Some men become hypersexual and engage in promiscuous sex with women as a subconscious attempt to prove that they are not gay or male weaklings.



Sex is an intimate act of love between two consenting adults. Rape however is a horrific experience because it is the forceful infliction of an act which is supposed to be beautiful, enjoyable, and intimate. If you are a male survivor of female-to-male rape or of any type of sexual molestation for that matter, you don’t need to suffer in silence. Through intensive and compassionate psychotherapy, you can get the help you need to regain your lost sense of masculinity and dignity.