... gma jessica soho's brigada interview: aswang sa iloilo ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philppines)

case study:  

isang ginang sa iloilo, napilitang umalis sa kanyang tahanan dahil sa banta at pagbibintang ng kanyang mga kapitbahay na isa raw siyang aswang!

ano kaya ang nagtulak sa kanyang mga kapitbahay na tawagin siyang asang? alamin sa ulat ng ating regional reporter na si jhoecel huesca para sa brigada 8pm sa GMA News TV-11.

discussion:  

firstly, when people experience unexplainable phenomena, it is easy for them to ascribe the mysterious occurrences to spiritual forces or beings, like aswangs, in keeping with their cultural beliefs and superstitions.  

secondly, the "ginang" in the case study above reportedly had the reputation of having illicit trysts with the men in her locale.  what better way was there for the female neighbors to have her burned at the stake than by branding her as an aswang!  

thirdly, "aswang" can be used as a derogatory term to mean "bitch," which her female neighbors certainly considered that lady to be! 

for more on aswangs, click on this link:  http://randydellosa.blogspot.com/2009/07/ricky-lee-and-aswang-psychology-101.html

... tv5 hiwaga interview: people who see shadows ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

why do people see human shadows in their peripheral vision?

* metaphysically speaking, their third eye might be open, thereby giving them the paranormal ability to perceive what others cannot.  treatment: close guidance and training from people who have matured and learned to control their third eye abilities.

* spiritually speaking (especially in the christian context), it might be some form of oppression by spiritual forces.  treatment:  exorcism by catholics; deliverance by born-again christians.

* psychiatrically speaking, the person might be experiencing visual hallucinations which could be symptoms of psychosis, depression, or substance/alcohol intoxication. treatment: anti-psychotic medication.

... gma 700 club interview: what makes guys hesitate to propose? ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

what are the 10 top reasons for guys not to propose?

* financial instability

* workaholism

* love of barkada or gimmicks

* still searching for a better girl

* thrill of the chase

* comes from a broken family

* fear of obligations

* parents' disapproval

* loss of freedom

* raised by single parent

* nagging clingy partner

... abs-cbn Ted Failon Ngayon: tv comedians as bullies ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

sarcastic humor is marked by rude, mocking, or cutting remarks intended to ridicule, insult, or "diss" its victim. 

the Filipino slang equivalent for sarcastic humor is "okray" and "pagookray" is the form of humor popularized in Filipino comedy clubs. people pay to see sharp-tongued comedians making fun of victims who they call up onstage from the audience.  these victims put on a brave front, enduring the mockery they receive until they are finally released back to their seats.

sarcastic humor is composed of two ingredients: aggression and humor. people who harbor or enjoy a sarcastic form of humor probably had experiences in their childhood wherein they were belittled, bullied, or made fun of.  and now that they are older, the way they get even with the world is by aggressively doing unto others what was done to them, albeit in a manner that is cloaked in humor.  

the once-bullied person now bullies others, and they get away with it because verbal aggression mixed with humor comes across as a smart-alecky form of wit.  clearly, sarcastic comedians need to undergo psychotherapy so that they can let go of the emotional baggage that fuels their sarcasm.  

personally, i feel quite sad when i see the audience enjoying verbal slapstick because they unwittingly condone harmful humor. what's even more disturbing is that one of the more popular comedians who has recently received nationwide flak for making a cruel joke about "gang-raping obese women" wins the "2013 Best Comedian of the Year" award.

children have to be protected against exposure to sarcastic humor on tv because children are very impressionable.  television is a good teacher of bad values--  and if children frequently get exposed to sarcastic humor, they start imbibing the attitude that it is okay to diss people as long as it is done in a spirit of jest.  

... gma AHA interview: developing your third eye ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatriatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

when the third eye (corresponding to the ajna chakra energy center) gets healed, purified, energized, and developed, at least four psychic abilities are said to possibly emerge.  

these psychic abilities are:   

* clairvoyance ("clear seeing") -  intuition by visual download.

* clairaudience ("clear hearing") - intuition by auditory download

* clairsentience ("clear sensing") - intuition by feelings download

*claircognizance ("clear knowing") - intuition by instant information download.

among Christians, psychic abilities are considered as "gifts of the Spirit."  In Acts 2:17, it is stated that God "...will pour out his Spirit upon all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.

Here is a listing of some psychic gifts mentioned in the bible:

* the gift of healing refers to the use of God's power to restore a sick person.

* the gift of miracles refers to the ability to perform signs and wonders that authenticate God's message.

* the gift of tongues refers to the ability to speak in a "real" foreign language.

psychic abilities may be hereditary, inborn, or developed through meditative or spiritual practices.  

scientifically, the explanation for the emergence of psychic abilities is said to lie in the development of the pineal gland which is located in the brain and considered to be the "seat of the soul."  

in my clinical practice, i have met people whose psychic abilities emerged during intensely emotional situations in their life- whether the emotion experienced  was that of grief, shock, extreme joy, or ecstacy.

God has placed in each one of us the potential for psychic abilities.  This serves to remind us that life is bigger than we think it is, and that we still have to discover the unfathomable depths of our own minds.  If it becomes our choice to develop our psychic abilities, let us make sure that we use it for God's holy purposes and for the benefit of all mankind.  

...abs-cbn salamat doc interview: housebands on the rise ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

time used to be when men were considered the breadwinners of the family and women stayed at home to take care of the children and the household. in fact, girls in their high school had an all-important subject called 'home economics' which was supposed to prepare them for their future role as the "ilaw ng tahanan."



this was the norm back in the 1970s and in the earlier years. but in the 1980s onward, families started feeling the heavier brunt of a failing philippine economy, thereby starting the rise of 'dual career families.' these were families wherein both parents took on jobs to augment the family income.



in this decade, gender roles are again a'changing. more and more men are staying at home to take on the role which was traditionally assigned to women- and we call them 'housebands.' in discussing about housebands though, it is important to differentiate them from good-for-nothing bums. housebands are not bums. just like housewives, housebands carry on the obligation of managing household affairs and taking care of children's and spouse's needs.



generally, men become housebands for three reasons: (1) job opportunities for the man are nil, (2) the wife has the bigger salary and both spouses have decided that there should be one full-time parent, or (3) the man was born with naturally strong domestic inclinations.



being a houseband (or a housewife) is a job that is borne out of love but is unquestionably exhausting and oftentimes thankless. hindi pwedeng i-"lang" lang ang gawain nila. housewives and housebands should be more aptly referred to us "domestic engineers" and for the hard and heroic work that they do, they deserve our encouragement, support, and utmost gratitude.

... bruxism, stress management, and TMJ relief therapy for the philippine prosthodontic association ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist,

the common belief about people who brux (i.e., grind or clench their teeth during sleep) is that they are stressed out and that they harbor suppressed emotions.  Sigmund Freud would most probably interpret bruxism as an oral manifestation of aggression, since it involves the violent gnashing of teeth.  in an online article i recently read, bruxism was considered as possible manifestation of obstructive sleep apnea, wherein the jaw movements are meant to expand the airways so that more oxygen can aerate an oxygen-deprived brain.  genetic predisposition and side-effect of medicines can also be factors in bruxism.  

whatever the reason for the bruxism, it can lead to jaw and body discomfort and pain which become very disruptive to the flow of everyday living.  

this is where stress management comes in.  through manual therapy, the patient with temporo-mandibular joint (TMJ) disorders can experience physical relief from discomfort and pain. 

counseling or psychotherapy provides the patient with a safe venue for releasing pent-up emotions that maintain the bruxism.  

of course, the ever-reliable nightguards help in decreasing the damage caused by bruxing.  

sometimes, anti-depressants, muscle relaxants, and analgesics are prescribed.  hot packs, jaw exercises, relaxation techniques (meditation, etc.) and nutritional supplements all make for a holistic therapeutic regimen.  

... promoting Christian values through a Christian film festival ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

it seems like logie and jenny ninalgas never fail to come up with innovative and exciting ideas.  this time, the husband-and-wife team organized a Christian filmfest that aimed to showcase inspiring and life-changing short films that promote Christian values.  

miguel aguila opened the event with songs

with my lovely co-judges franscesca lee and maricar sandalo

i thoroughly enjoyed my stint as a judge in this filmfest.  there were four short films that carried psychological-spiritual themes.  the first film touched on issues of poverty, alcoholism, and parenting.  the second film tackled demon possession and encouraged the forging of brotherly ties between christians and muslims.  the third film dealt on issues of teenage puppy love, dysfunctional family relationships, bullying, depression, and suicide.   and the fourth film portrayed the issue of marital infidelity and its traumatic effects on the betrayed spouse and children. 

with co-judge maneuvers dancer joshua zamora

with co-judge dr. jason tan, head of capitol city alliance church

despite the dark and heavy issues tackled in this filmfest, the films provided hope and inspiration based on the premise of God's unconditional love and His longing desire to have a personal relationship with the people He created.  

with direk jp and logie ninalgas- the geniuses of this event!

congratulations logie and jenny for your good work... as usual!  

and for you out there who want to learn the craft of film-making, give logie and jenny a call at 0908-6929143, 475-9182, or email them at link2impact@yahoo.com.  

allow logie and jenny's infectious passion to change the world change YOUR world!

... Yahoo! SHE: Are you ready to do a Charice? A psychologist’s 10-step guide on how to declare you’re gay ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

  

Are you ready to do a Charice? A psychologist’s 10-step guide on how to declare you’re gay

By Ces Rodriguez | Yahoo! SHE – Thu, Jun 13, 2013 8:54 AM PHT

Now that Charice has come out of the closet, is it time to come out of yours?

Not so fast, says Dr. Randy Dellosa, counselor, life coach and clinical psychologist.

“In the first place, gay people are not obligated to publicly come out of the closet,” Dr. Dellosa tells Yahoo! SHE in an email interview.

Coming out is a purely personal choice

“A gay individual has as much right to stay in the closet as well as to come out of it. Coming out in public is a purely personal choice.”

Charice herself said as much.

“Lagi kong sinasabi na yung ginawa ko di yon something para sundan nila agad,” she told Yahoo! SHE last week during the launch of Yahoo! OMG Awards.

Charice wants to be an inspiration

“Siguro ang gusto ko lang maging inspirasyon sa kanila para magkaro’n ng courage para eventually pag na-feel na nila na right time may idea na sila,” she added.

The 21-year-old international singer has said in press interviews that she knew she was gay when she was 5 years old.

“Ang pag-come out ko na feel ko na yon na talaga, it’s not something na gusto ko lang gawin. Na feel ko na ito gagawin ko na,” Charice explained to Yahoo! SHE.

How to say you’re gay

So, if you do choose to tell friends and family you’re gay, when do you know it’s time? And what’s the best way to do it?

Here is Dr. Dellosa’s advice, arranged as a step-by-step guide:

1. Love yourself.

“If there is only one person the gay individual is obligated to come out to, it is himself or herself. This means that he or she has to accept and love oneself as being gay, rather than sulk in self-denial or self-loathing.

“If, however, the gay person does decide to come out in public, the ideal time to do so is when he or she has fully, positively and confidently come to terms with his or her sexuality. By feeling good and self-assured about oneself, the gay person has little or no need to be defensive, rebellious, spiteful or arrogant towards narrow-minded and homophobic people.”

2. Drop hints.

“The closeted gay can begin the process of coming out by dropping subtle hints about his or her sexual orientation. During light conversations with friends and family members, he or she can ask about their opinions on homosexuality-related issues. By doing so, the gay person gets an idea about his or her friends’ or family members’ stance on homosexuality.”

3. Seek counsel.

“An excellent way to prepare for coming out is to seek counsel and support from a wise, compassionate, and competent counselor or psychotherapist. Avoid approaching ‘militant’ homosexuals who might simply coerce the gay person to prematurely come out of the closet. Remember that just because a counselor or psychotherapist is gay does not necessarily make him or her a good one.”

4. Choose who to come out to first.

“The closeted gay should wisely choose the first people to come out to. The commonsensical choice is friends and family members who they know to be understanding, trustworthy and supportive. Opening up to homophobic friends and family members can obviously wait.”

5. Do it yourself.

“It is best to tell friends and family members personally rather than course the news through a third party.”

6. Choose the appropriate setting.

“The gay individual must choose an appropriate situation and setting, must adjust the manner of self-disclosure to the personality of the person being told and must assume a light, positive and confident attitude while opening up about himself or herself.”

7. Don’t be dramatic.

“Coming out does not need to be a heavily dramatic event. A light, simple and clear statement about one’s sexual orientation will usually suffice.”

8. Be prepared for every reaction.

“People will naturally react to a gay person’s outing in three ways: positively, negatively or neutrally. For those who react negatively, they may experience waves of shock, denial, anger and blame. They may bargain with or even coerce the gay person to change his or her ways. Or worse, they may be physically or emotionally punitive or abusive towards the gay person.”

9. Keep calm and carry on.

“A gay person cannot expect closed-minded family members to accept his or her sexual orientation immediately. These family members need to first go through a slow process of grief before they can begin to accept their loved one's homosexual orientation. It is good for the gay person to continue being respectful and kind even to closed-minded family members in the hope of softening them up.”

10. Live responsibly.

“Coming out is not just a matter of proclaiming one’s sexual orientation to the world and then [overcompensating for the long period when one suppressed one's homosexuality by engaging in high-risk behavior]. Coming out carries with it the task of living responsibly for oneself and for others. Coming out is simply a first step in accepting and loving oneself so that one can then proceed in his or her journey towards growth and maturity.”

Dr. Randy Dellosa runs the The Randy Dellosa Wellness Center. He has been a practicing counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist and psychiatrist for more than 25 years.

... YAHOO interview on how to come out of the closet / Counseling for gay teenagers ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, quezon city, manila, philippines)

An interview by YAHOO commisioning editor Ces Rodriguez occasioned by Charice's recent confession that she's gay:

·         When is the right time to come out of the closet?  Does age and circumstance have anything to do with it?

In the first place, gay people are not obligated to publicly come out of the closet.  A gay individual has as much right to stay in the closet as well as to come out of it.  Coming out in public is a purely personal choice.  If there is only one person the gay individual is obligated to come out to, it is himself or herself.  This means that he or she has to accept and love oneself as being gay, rather than sulk in self-denial or self-loathing.   

If however the gay person does decide to come out in public, the ideal time to do so is when he or she has fully, positively, and confidently come to terms with his or her sexuality.   By feeling good and self-assured about oneself, the gay person has little or no need to be defensive, rebellious, spiteful, or arrogant towards narrow-minded and homophobic people. 

·         What considerations should someone take when outing him or herself to friends and especially family?

The closeted gay should wisely choose the first people to come out to.  The common-sensical choice is friends and family members who they know to be understanding, trustworthy, and supportive.  Opening up to homophobic friends and family members can obviously wait.  Also, it is best to tell friends and family members personally rather than course the news through a third party. 

The gay individual (1) must choose an appropriate situation and setting, (2) must adjust the manner of self-disclosure to the personality of the person being told, and (3) must assume a light, positive and confident attitude while opening up about oneself.  Coming out does not need to be a heavily dramatic event.  A light, simple, and clear statement about one’s sexual orientation will usually suffice. 

After coming out in public, some gay people over-compensate for the long period that they suppressed their homosexuality.  They sometimes do this by arrogantly flaunting their homosexuality for all to see, by impulsively jumping into relationships, or by engaging in high-risk and promiscuous homosexual behaviors. 

Coming out is not just a matter of proclaiming one’s sexual orientation to the world and then indiscriminately acting out one’s homosexual impulses.  Coming out carries with it the task of living responsibly for oneself and for others.  Coming out is simply a first step in accepting and loving oneself so that one can then proceed in his or her journey towards personal growth and maturity.     

Once a person has identified and accepted oneself as being homosexual, he or she has to move on.  A homosexual  is considered neurotic when his or her life and self-identity revolve around and is narrowed down to his or her homosexuality.  On the other hand, the psychologically healthy homosexual considers sexuality as an important aspect of life, but recognizes that it is just one of the many other essential aspects of life.  

·         What should the person expect to happen when he or she decides to come out?  And how should he or she handle the possible rejection of peers and parents?

People will naturally react to gay person’s outing in three ways:  positively, negatively, or neutrally.  For friends and family members who react negatively, they may experience waves of shock, denial, anger, and blame.  They may bargain with or even coerce the gay person to stop being homosexual.  Or worse, they may be physically or emotionally punitive or abusive towards the gay person.    

A gay person cannot expect closed-minded friends and family members to accept his or her sexual orientation immediately.   These family members need to first go through a slow process of overcoming their denial, shock, and grief before they can finally accept that their loved one is a homosexual.  It is good for the gay person to continue being respectful and kind even to closed-minded family members in the hope of softening up their homophobic attitudes.   

·         How should a person prepare for his or her coming out?

The closeted gay can begin the process of coming out by dropping subtle hints about his or her sexual orientation.  During light conversations with friends and family members, he or she can ask about their opinions on homosexuality-related issues.  By doing so, the gay person gets an idea about his or her friends’ or family members’ stance on homosexuality.

An excellent way to prepare for coming out is to seek counsel and support from a wise, compassionate, and competent counsellor or psychotherapist.  Avoid approaching “militant” homosexuals who might simply coerce the gay person to prematurely come out of the closet.  Remember that just because a counsellor or psychotherapist is gay does not necessarily make him or her a good one. 

·         A lot of people feel pressured to come out.  What if they choose not to?  What is the effect?

The closeted gay person must weigh the advantages and disadvantages of coming out.  If the negative consequences outweigh the positive, then it is best not to.  

The quick and common advise given to closeted gay people is “Magpakatotoo ka! (Be real to yourself and others!)," but this cliché is simplistic and does not consider the over-all situation of the gay person and the negative consequences that might ensue.   Many family ties, marriages, and friendships have been irreparably broken by well-meaning people who give bad advise.

Some gay people have a stronger need to come out more than others.  When homosexual impulses are suppressed, it can result in major depression, anxiety attacks, or psychosomatic illnesses for which a psychiatrist is needed. 

·         What if a person is not ready to come out but he or she is being teased or bullied about their sexual preference?  How should this situation be handled?

One has to differentiate between being teased and being bullied about sexual orientation.  Light-hearted teasing and bantering among friends and family members is socially acceptable while bullying certainly is not.  Bullying is an offensive act and leaves the homosexual person harassed, belittled, and humiliated. 

Victims of bullying must not suffer in silence.  It is important that the victims actively seek the protection and support of friends, family members, and authority figures.  On the other hand, the bully must be sanctioned and even psychologically rehabilitated if necessary.  

·         Where should a conflicted gay person turn to for help?  Are there hotlines or resources they can turn to?

Contact The Randy Dellosa Wellness Center at 415-6529; 415-7964.