... counseling for pregnant teenagers in the Philippines ... (life coach counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, quezon city, manila, philippines)

Sandra Tobillo of abs-cbn's morning show "Umagang Kay Ganda" interviewed me on a topic that wasn't "maganda" at all.  Our discussion centered on teenage pregnancies.

The exponential rise in teenage pregnancies in the Philippines is quite alarming news.  At the current time, the Philippines ranks first among ASEAN countries in teenage pregnancies.  Out of a thousand filipino girls aged 15-19, around 50 of them will get pregnant.  This emphasizes the need for a sex education program which teaches young people to be more responsible for their actions.  

For pregnant teenagers, counseling is an important source of help. When a teenager gets pregnant, confusion, fear, guilt, anger, uncertainty, and a gamut of other emotions run high.  The pregnant teenager is also beset by financial worries, school concerns, the fear that people are going to belittle her, and the fear of abandonment by her boyfriend, friends, and family members.  

especially in this difficult time of her life, more than ever, the pregnant teen needs all the emotional and social support that she can get.  

... major depression in the philippines and the risk of suicide ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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brigada is GMA's investigative television show hosted by veteran journalist jessica soho. brigada is a revival of the the 1990's tv show brigada siete, which was then hosted by louie beltran.

in light of iwa moto's suicidal attempt, brigada sent tolits tan to interview me about depression and suicide.
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suicide is attempted for many reasons. many suicidal people feel that they have reached the end of the rope. they feel hopeless, and feel that they can no longer cope with their depressing situation. some people, attempt suicide out of vengeance. their intention is to make the person who wronged them feel guilty. others attempt suicide to join a loved one who had passed on earlier than them. suicide have also been done for a noble cause- by going on hunger strikes or by setting themselves ablaze.
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and then there are people who are suicidal just because of a glitch in their brain chemicals-what psychiatrists call a "serotonin imbalance." even without a situational trigger, chemically-imbalanced people can just slump into a depression and become suicidal.
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i always feel bad when i hear about successful suicide attempts because these people didn't need to die. if they only got themselves treated with anti-depressant medications and underwent intensive talk therapy, they would likely have gotten well within a month's time. they would not have died by their own hands and they would have spared their loved ones of the agonizing emotional burden of their tragic and unnecessary deaths.
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... breaking up is hard to do: relationship / couples counseling in the philippines ... (psychiatrist, psychologist, psychotherapist, life coach)

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"word up" is a youth-oriented television program which airs on the nbn and zoe channels. the segment they did was on the topic of relationship break-ups. i said much more during the interview but these are some few tips i'd like to share with you at the moment:

. (1) first of all, accept it dude, it's over! some relationships aren't meant to be, just like the one you came from.

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(2) kill the hope! as long as you keep a tiny spark of hope for reconciliation, you are NOT going to move on! so how do you kill the hope? well, accept and keep on accepting that it's over!

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(3) grieve. a part of you has died. your dreams and plans as a couple have died. feel your grief, don't suppress it. it's natural and normal to go through a grieving process after a break-up.

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(4) give up plans of revenge. put your "evil" side to rest. if you take revenge, you'll just give your ex more reasons to validate the break-up. you'll come out as the "bad guy" and you'll certainly regret your wicked deeds later on. furthermore, if you take revenge, again, you haven't accepted that IT'S OVER, DUDE! IT'S OVER!

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(5) no relationships on the rebound please. when one jumps into a relationship right after a break-up, it's usually one of four things: it's done out of revenge; it's done as a desperate attempt to make the ex jealous; it's done as an attempt to escape from the loneliness of a break-up; or, it's done as an attempt to move on. please, don't make matters worse by entering into a rebound relationship. finish your grieving process first, and then be a whole and happy person again before getting into a new relationship.

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(6) get emotional support from family and friends. if you've become emotionally bankrupt, well, start filling yourself up again with the warmth and care of people who love you.

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(7) distract yourself. when you're tired of feeling your gloomy feelings, distract yourself by going out with friends, watching tv, listening to music (not the sentimental ones, obviously), attending a fellowship, learning a new sport or craft, getting a massage, and so on and so forth. distractions may be emotional "band-aids" but any distraction is better than none at all.

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(8) decide to stop getting depressed. well, not too soon. they say that the grieving period lasts from 6 months to 2 years. just realize that the cliche is actually true- that "time heals all (or most) wounds." trust your process. when it's time to get up and start going again, you naturally and certainly will!

. (9) and lastly, get professional help if you start hurting yourself (e.g., cutting), or become suidical, or feel that you're depression is getting worse. remember, there is always hope and help available for you.

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... OFWs as heroes? ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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of course they are! just think about the homesickness, loneliness, and cultural struggles that OFWs have to endure. what makes matters worse is if they have cruel bosses or hostile co-workers.

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but hey, let's not forget that the spouses of these OFWs are heroes too!

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these spouses are left with the obligation of having to serve as both father and mother at the same time, hence the monicker "natay" or "tanay" (depending on who's left behind). they become beasts of burden as they simultaneously manage

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• the household (i.e., doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, repairs),
• the children (i.e., helping them with their schoolwork, enforcing discipline, driving them to school, attending PTA meetings, etc.)
• the finances,
• their career,
• their parents and in-laws,
• their emotions (loneliness, stress, pining for intimacy, etc.), and
• everything else.

sadly, another burden they experience is when they get falsely accused of financial mismanagement ("saan ba napupunta ang perang pinapadala ko sa iyo?) or having illicit affairs.

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although seafarers aren't exactly OFWs, they also spend long periods of time away from their families. hence, their spouses suffer the same fate as the spouses of OFWs.

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but whether spouse of OFW, seafarer, or anyone else, it's always satisfying for me to assist them in their emotional burdens. this time, my chance to help them comes in the form of teaching them how to be good peer counselors for each other. i hope that they become a good support for each other in their times of difficulties and crises.

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with ms. rita lim seno-ogbinar, head of the women & children's desk of the international seafarers action center philippines.

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... how to survive a break-up: relationship counseling/ counselor in the philippines ... (life coach, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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whether you're a guy or girl, mending a broken heart is always difficult to do. experts say that it can take anywhere from 6 months to 8 years for you to get over the heartache of a separation. that's a pretty long time, isn't it?
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while you still haven't recovered, it's expected that you'll go through a rollercoaster ride of different emotional reactions such as denial, disbelief, grief, loneliness, anger, rage, and confusion. as time passes, the heaviness of the emotions should slowly subside. if after 6 months, your emotions are still intense, then you should consider getting counseling sessions with a professional to facilitate and hasten your emotional healing.
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in the meantime, while you still haven't recovered from the break-up, here are some tips for you:
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• accept the fact that it's finally over. as long as you still harbor the fantasy or wish of gettin back together again, your emotional rollercoaster ride is going to continue.
• allow yourself to grieve. it's all right to feel bad. the bad feelings are going to diminish as you slowly pick up the pieces of your life and regain your self-identity.
• don't stay isolated. even if you don't feel like socializing, mingle with your family members and friends. you don't need to talk about your heartaches with them if you don't want to. at the very least, they can temporarily distract you from your heavy feelings.
• pamper yourself and love yourself. this is the best time to engage in what i call "good" selfishness.
• develop a spiritual perspective. spirituality teaches us that we can't really hold on to anything and anyone in this life. it reminds us to flow and surrender with whatever circumstances life offers us.
• avoid vengeful acts. while revenge is tempting, it's something you'll regret you ever did.
• and lastly, don't make the mistake of getting yourself a relationship on the rebound. it's unfair for both you and your rebound partner.

People come into your life for a reason. Some stay for a season and others stay for a lifetime. I hope that God grants you people of the lifetime type.
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At the DWBR 104.3 radio station with host Merly Aloras interviewing me on relationship break-ups.

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... relationship counseling, marital counseling, couples counseling in the philippines ... (life coach, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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psychology students of letran invited me to do a talk on relationships. entitled relationships 101, part of my talk focused on the differences between toxic and healthy relationships.
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some indications of a toxic relationship include the following:

• Obsession with partner. Life revolves around partner.
• Exclusivity. Gives up social life. Neglects family relationships.
• Relationship characterized by power-playing, guilt-tripping, controlling, blaming, criticism, and manipulation.

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• Tries to change the partner into what he/she is not.
• Need to prove worth to partner. Need approval from partner.
• Constant rescuing. Knight-in-shining-armour complex.
• Fusion. Inability to endure separation. Clinging. Neediness for each other is proof of love for each other.

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• Engages in sexual activity which create guilt, fear, insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness, shame, or a sense of pressure.
• Relationship is characterized by hurts, suffocation, exhaustion, neediness, and conflicts.

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if the above points are descriptive of your relationship, please get help for yourself! you certainly deserve a relationship that's better for you.
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... in-patient rehabilitation program for computer addiction in the philippines ... (life coach, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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apples jalandoni, field reporter of abs-cbn's "bandila," did an interview on the topic of "computer addiction." here's what i had to share: .
the computer has become a necessary tool of modern life. young people use it for their studies; adults use it for work; and anyone can use it for fun. like all good things however, computer use can be abused. anyone who uses the computer is at risk of getting addicted to it.
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computer addiction refers to the compulsive or excessive use of computers such that one’s life revolves around it and it interferes with normal routines of daily living. it covers wide spectrum of behaviours which include playing video and online games, viewing internet pornography, being hooked to chat rooms, repetitively checking email, uncontrolled online gambling, continuously downloading music files, engaging in illicit affairs through the net, constantly watching online videos, and surfing the net for long hours.
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computer addiction is characterized by (1) an obsession to use the computer, (2) a worsening of the obsession as time goes by, (3) persistence of the computer-related behaviour despite experiencing the negative consequences, and (4) loss of self-control.
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computer addiction has many negative effects: mood swings, withdrawal from family and friends, sleep deprivation, poor eating habits, poor hygiene, wrist injury, back and neck aches, poor grades, stealing, lying, poor attention span in school or at work, absenteeism or tardiness, and a breakdown of relationships. as the computer addiction progresses, it creates personality changes which deteriorate over time, ultimately ruining all aspects of the computer addict’s life.
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a common mistake in the treatment of computer addicts is to bring them to a doctor who just relies on medications or to make them undergo the same rehabilitation program for alcoholics and substance dependents. a good rehab program should address the unique issues and specific needs of computer addicts.
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Life Change Recovery Center is a psychological therapy center with a short-term in-house program for overcoming computer addiciton. at Life Change, the computer addict is empowered to quit his computer obsession for goo. the program emphasizes values formation, personality development, and spiritual growth. personalized care, in-depth counseling, and family therapy are all part of the program. most importantly, confidentiality and compassion are guaranteed.
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... relationship counseling, couples counseling, marital counseling in the philippines ...

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The Cheating Curve (excerpts)
By Marian Trinidad
Men’s Health Philippines 2010

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Psychologist and psychiatrist Randy Dellosa, MD says that while society speaks ill of infidelity, cheating is "popularly accepted as normal and even expected behavior of men" in the Philippines.

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Infidelity, according to Dr. Dellosa, occurs when there is a violation of couple's contract to be intimate and exclusive partners. It comes in many forms, like flirting, cybersex, emotional affairs, correspondence through e-mail or SMS, and sexual relations.
. Dr. Dellosa, renowned life coach, explains that cheating happens when any of the main ingredients of a relationship—passion, commitment and intimacy—are found to be wanting.

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Dr. Dellosa explains that cheating involves elements of boundary violations, deception and denial. He reveals that most women consult him because they felt betrayed by their partners. "Initially upon discovery of the betrayal, the betrayed partner experiences an overwhelming mix of shock, anger, disillusionment and grief," he explains.
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Aside from the emotional anguish, Dr. Dellosa adds that the betrayed partner is usually confused whether to continue or call it quits as a couple.

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HOW WE HEAL
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Dr. Dellosa points out that relationships may never be the same after an infidelity. But he stresses that while emotional healing may be challenging, it is possible. He enumerates these steps:

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• Owe up to your offense .
• Don't find fault in her, your job, or other external excuses to latch on. You made a mistake, move on and figure out how to rectify the situation.
• Empathize with her emotions.
• She'll give you a hard time for quite a while. Suck it up. Listen to what she has to say. Take her out like you used to—she'll appreciate the effort.
• Show remorse.
• Suggest and show up at marriage counseling. Express your regret shamelessly, but sincerely. Be as humbled as you were when you first courted her.
• Commit to change.
• Consult a psychiatrist, see your parish priest, or join a spiritual group for guidance.
• Cut off contact with the other woman.
• Erase your mistress from your phonebook, quit your job if you must, to avoid her with certainty.
• Now that you really do have free time, use it with your family.

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... online sex education "masturbation: healthy or harmful?" ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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Hadiri Webinar tentang Masturbasi

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JAKARTA, KOMPAS.com - Apakah kamu punya segudang pertanyaan soal masturbasi, tetapi enggak tau mau tanya ke mana untuk cari jawaban?
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Tidak ada orang yang merasa nyaman jika bicara tentang masturbasi. Bahkan, hanya mendengar kata itu saja dapat membuat kebanyakan orang menggeliat dalam ketidaknyamanan. Namun, apa ini benar-benar merupakan masalah besar?
. Masturbasi adalah sebuah perilaku yang sangat umum. Studi telah menunjukkan bahwa sekitar 95 persen laki-laki dan 89 persen wanita melakukan masturbasi secara teratur dan masturbasi itu adalah tindakan seksual pertama yang dilakukan oleh kebanyakan anak remaja.
. www.sexxie.tv mengundang kamu untuk mengikuti seminar online SEXXIE TALK dengan topik, "Masturbasi: Sehat atau Berbahaya? (Masturbation: Healthy or Harmful?)", Bersama Dr Randy Sebastian Misael Dellosa, seorang life coach, konselor, psikoterapis, psikolog klinik, dokter dan psikiater, yang memiliki pengalaman bertahun-tahun melakukan konseling dan terapi untuk spektrum masalah yang luas.
. Siapkan perangkat komputermu, koneksi internet, dan speaker untuk mengikuti presentasi dari Dr Dellosa mengenai topik menarik ini. Kamu pun dapat bebas memberikan pertanyaan yang akan langsung di jawab, gratis!
. Daftar sekarang melalui SMS. Ketik SW0810 ke +65 98473224 untuk mendapatkan undangan menghadiri SEXXIE TALK ini yang akan dikirimkan ke e-mail kamu. Klik link yang ada di undangan, ikuti langkah-langkah selanjutnya, dan kamu akan dengan mudah memasuki ruang seminar online. Untuk infomasi lebih lanjut kunjungi www.sexxie.tv atau e-mail ke info@sexxie.tv.
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... psychology of a hostage crisis ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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The Psychology of a Hostage Crisis
by Caroline J. Howard, ANC
08/24/2010 11:01 PM

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MANILA, Philippines - What prompted Senior Inspector Rolando Mendoza to turn from a crime-fighter to be on the wrong side of the law? What could have driven him to be an armed threat to human life instead of protecting it as he was supposed to as a man of the law?
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Before grabbing headlines for the hostage-crisis, Mendoza was counted among the top men in the country's police force. But with 4 other policemen, he was dismissed from service on charges of the illegal arrest and extortion of an individual in 2008.
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On Monday, the disgruntled police officer took the law into his own hands. In an act of desperation, he commandeered a tourist bus and took 22 Hong Kong tourists and three Filipinos hostages to prod authorities to look at his case. Mendoza wanted the Ombudsman to review his case and reinstate him into the country's police force.
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"If the case he was talking about was in 2008, that means he was harboring a grudge. It was festering in him. This was his desperate final act," psychologist Randy Dellosa said on Mornings@ANC.
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Dellosa said people react to grievances in three ways: they either don't get affected, pass it off quickly, or develop psychological disturbances. He added it is the third way that people have to watch out for.
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He said signs of depression anxiety are: insomnia or any change in sleeping patterns, changes in a person's appetite and energy level, gloominess of attitude that makes them suicidal or think about death, problems with focusing, palpitation, light-headedness and fear of death. Noting how such symptoms may remain hidden until a later time, he added clinical intervention would help diffuse the intensity of the person's feelings.
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Dellosa said Mendoza may have lost control when he realized there was no way authorities would give in to his demands after the police arrested his brother, Gregorio.
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Hostage trauma
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Dellosa said survivors of Monday's hostage crisis will need time and a lot of emotional support to recover from the trauma of the incident. He emphasized the value of family support, and the opportunity to retell the incident to reduce the intensity of emotions.
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"During times of crisis, there's the adrenaline rush, panic. So this might stay with them for a long time. Giving them physical reassurance that will help them," Dellosa noted, adding comforting gestures and human touch will go a long way.
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Dellosa said the 3-part process in addresses hostage trauma involves, diffusion or giving information, debriefing or helping survivors understand what happened, and following-up.
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He said the approach to treating the trauma depends on the individual's needs, adding children, who may not express their feelings as well, are usually more severely affected by the incident. "Whether it's adults or kids, it has to be personalized. We have to find our what their concept is of death. What was their experience inside the bus. There are some children who may not even care, it may have just been a drama they participated in and its forgettable. Sometimes, it may even be the parents who magnify or intensify their experiences, so parents have to be coached."
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Mendoza's own family will have to deal with trauma from the hostage crisis, and the circumstances surrounding their kin's death. Dellosa said the Mendozas will also need time to rest adding that while media and police may continue to hound them for a statement, they should be allowed to grieve and come to terms with their family's loss.
. A country's duty
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As the country comes to terms with the incident, and a new travel ban from Hong Kong, Dellosa said, it must remain sympathetic to the Chinese territory by showing the Philippine government's sincerity in delivering justice. "We need to show that we're doing something to rectify the fault, and keep following up the condition of hostage survivors to show we're sympathetic."
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Dellosa, however, admitted one way to cope with tragedy and grief is for people to realize and accept their humanity. “We we're all unprepared, all of us are shocked. The best thing is to realize that there are some things we can't control and some we can."
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... treatment of phobia in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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just very recently, i served as resource person on "aha!," a gma tv show hosted by drew arellano. the topic was on phobias.
.the episode aimed to expose drew arellano's fear of snakes. here's the python that was meant to scare the wits out of him:
.patani, a previous participant in the reality tv show "survivor" also guested on the show to face her fear of roller coaster rides.
.a bonus for me was meeting iya vilania, the gorgeous girlfriend of drew arellano. i just found it odd though that for such a pretty lady, her voice was unusually husky and deep.
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... counseling for transgendered, transexual, and gender-variant persons in the philippines ... (life coach, psychotherapist, psychiatrist)

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i met sharon for a counseling session this afternoon and she told me her story.
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as a kid growing up, she didn't have much care in the world. but as soon as puberty hit her, she fell into a deep crisis about her sexual identity. she became severely disturbed by the mismatch between her masculine mentality and her feminine appearance. for her, nature had played a dirty trick on her by making her a "man trapped in a woman's body."
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in order to halt the development of female sexual characteristics, she resorted to extreme dieting which made her frail and sickly in the process. years later, as she researched on the internet, she discovered that what she considered as her "affliction" had a name-- it was a condition known as "transexuality."
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this afternoon, sharon sought consultation with me for the very reason that she was ready to come to terms with her transexual self. she was ready to let go of the emotional baggage that had burdened her through the years.
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through individual counseling and group therapy with other transexuals, i hope to assist her well in her journey towards personal healing, growth, and wholeness.
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... maintaining long distance relationships ...

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just did an interview for the TFC program "kwentong disyerto." the topic was on maintaining relationships across the miles. the crew was a friendly bunch and because of their apparent dedication to helping filipino migrant workers and their families, this brief interview was all the more engaging to do.

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first of all, i stressed in the interview the fact that couples separated by long distance are vulnerable to a number of problems which include loneliness, depression, and suicidal thoughts; jealousy and insecurity; infidelity; lessening intimacy; quarrels and conflicts.

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given these risks, it is important for couples to keep their emotional intimacy burning and to stay committed and faithful to the relationship.

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there wasn't time to give a lot of tips but these were what i mentioned: (1) frequency of communication is as important as the quality of interaction. (2) some forms of communication douse cold water on the warmth of a relationship. couples should minimize or avoid nagging, criticism, accusation, put-downs, shouting, demanding behavior, mind games, and guilt tripping. (3) couples should express a lot of encouragement and appreciation to each other. (4) couples should keep each other updated through blog journals, virtual (on-cam) visitations, handwritten letters, hand-made cards, videos and audio recordings. (5) avoid sharing problems to the opposite sex lest an affair develops. (6) and finally, it will be helpful for each partner to have a support and accountability group which monitors for unfaithful behavior, among other things.

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here i am counseling OFW juancho on his long distance relationship.

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Juancho seems to be absorbing everything i say with focused intent and concentrated effort.

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yes, it just seems.

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... the emotional help continues: bringing hope and healing to typhoon survivors ...

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just what does a mother say when her 8-year old child asks, "is this the end, mom? is this our destiny?" just what comfort can this mother offer when she herself is struck with terror by the very questions her child asks?

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such were the stories shared in the post-typhoon disaster forum i facilitated at the national grid corporation of the philippines.

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people have the impression that just because the worst of the typhoons is over and that the relief goods have been distributed, the typhoon survivors can now put their trauma behind them. but the sad truth is this: when calamity strikes, it deeply sears into one's heart what is known as the "death impact." it is the sense that life is frail, that everyone is vulnerable, and that death may be lurking at any corner, at any time.

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a month has passed since the typhoon disaster happened but many typhoon survivors are still experiencing anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, and grief. some are now suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or ptsd.

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these people, they continue to need helping hands, listening ears, and compassionate hearts!

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the workshop: helping typhoon victims overcome and survive their emotional storms

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the workshop was attended by educators, social workers, hr officers, psychologists, ministers, and students.
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we started by sharing our personal experiences during the typhoons ondoy and pepeng. though a month had past since the two storms, many participants were still emotionally distraught as they narrated their stories.
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after the sharing session, we proceeded with learning different ways to help typhoon disaster victims overcome anxiety, depression, grief, insomnia, and post-traumatic stress disorder. among the the topics covered were:
- cognitive processing therapy,
- relaxation methods,
- emotional freedom techniques,
- emotional release therapy and EMDR,
- brain balancing techniques, and
- art therapy.
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participants had plenty of practice sessions:
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many participants received relaxation and healing in the process:
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and what workshop would be complete without some smiles and camaraderie?
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my thanks too to agnes, al (and may) for their ever-reliable, ever-efficient support and assistance!

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