Is Getting a "Happy Ending" Cheating? (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

Is Getting a "Happy Ending" Cheating?
by Randy Dellosa

We all love happy endings, don’t we? Kids get their share of happy endings from fairy tales, while women, they get them from romantic books and movies. 

Some men however have a different connotation of what a “happy ending” is. For them, a happy ending is the sexual service offered by a masseuse (or masseur) after a massage. It’s the type of “happy ending” which they get at a ‘spakol,” which is the Pinoy slang for a spa that offers “jakol (i.e., masturbation).” The sexual service though is not limited to a hand job. The happy ending may also include a blow job or any sexual play which falls short of actual sexual intercourse.

“Happy endings” are also called “extra service.” But if you think about it, happy endings can hardly be called “extra” because it is specifically the sexual service which customers seek out. The massage is really what is "extra” because it merely serves as a prelude or warm-up to the sexual event.

Masseuses and masseurs offer happy endings because for them, it literally and figuratively is a “quickie” way to augment their pitifully meager income. For one, happy endings are a sexual service of high demand among men. Secondly, happy endings are a lucrative service since they cost as much or even much more than the massage itself.

Despite the sexual service they provide, these masseuses and masseurs do not consider themselves as prostitutes. Unlike prostitutes who have no qualms about sexual penetration, these masseuses and masseurs have a streak of morality which make them draw limits to the sexual services they provide. They refuse to go “all the way” with customers, limiting themselves to “lending a hand” (and/or "lending their mouth") to help their customers get the “release” that they came for.

Expectedly, when a woman discovers that her husband or boyfriend has been going to a spakol, she feels betrayed, disillusioned, angry, and devastated. She cannot understand why her man needs to be masturbated by someone else when she herself could have done it to him. Deeply hurt, the woman nags her partner to no end, asking for micro-details about his encounters even if she knows that the information will devastate her.  She feels confused because she wants to forgive him, but at the same time feels that she can never trust him again. What a mix of emotions the lady goes through! 

Guys' minds however are wired differently.  And thus, they have a different perception of their spakol experience:

• Guys tend to think that getting a happy ending is not infidelity because there is no emotional intimacy involved. He does not “make love’ with the masseuse. Theirs is merely a functional relationship between “masseuse/professional masturbator” and the male customer. 
• Guys reason out that a happy ending is the much safer alternative of getting sexual release than having sex with a prostitute. 
• Guys also consider happy endings to be in the same category as masturbation and watching pornography. For them, these are normal sexual activities which most males do in privacy and in secrecy. Many guys therefore don’t feel guilty about getting happy endings because it simply is a ‘guy thing.’ 
• Getting a happy ending has little or nothing to do with whether he is sexually satisfied with his partner or not. Even if the guy has satisfying and regular sex with his parter, he may still seek out happy endings for the mere fun, relaxation, and pleasure of it. 
• And lastly, it's not that guys want to lie about getting happy endings.  It's just that they don't feel obliged to report it to anyone else.   For one, why would guys squeal on themselves when they know that their wife or partner is not going to understand. And secondly, they want to avoid their partner's hysterical reaction over what guys would just consider a menial thing. 

So, to answer the question as to whether getting a happy ending is cheating or not, the answer depends on what the couple expects of each other. Cheating can only occur when the expectation or agreement for a couple to be sexually exclusive to each other gets violated. 

Simply put, if the woman doesn’t mind that her guy gets happy endings, then it isn’t cheating.