... sex education: affirming a child's sexuality ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

Moms is a Christian Magazine published by the Asia Pacific Media Ministries. Here's an article from their latest magazine:

Affirming a Child's Normal Sexuality

by Jeanne Ching

How can parents affirm healthy sexual orientation in their children? The following interview with Dr. Randy Dellosa, a psychologist and psychiatrist and former professor at Asian Theological Seminary gives some answers to this complex question.

How can parents affirm a child’s normal sexuality?

It’s affirmed by giving them gender appropriate toys, complimenting them as they develop masculine or feminine traits, giving them responsibilities appropriate for their gender; and, living by example. Be their model.

What behaviors should parents or guardians watch for?

Parents should be aware of their own values with regards to sexual matters because, whatever they believe, the children will believe. They should monitor their child’s exposure to sexual information and sensual materials. Parents should have frequent dialogues with their children so that their attitude will be directed.

Parents should make sure the computer is placed in a common area so they can monitor what the children view. They should carefully look at the games and cartoons their children enjoy. Games and cartoons may have materials which are sexual in nature. Parents should read what their children are reading.

Parents should help their children develop balanced lives. Teens have the tendency to focus on sexuality when they’re idle. But when parents help them develop different interests, then sexuality becomes just a particular aspect of their lives, and things are placed in perspective.

What are some things to avoid?

Avoid exposing children to sensual materials. Sensual means it has connotation of passion and sexual behavior. In case there is exposure, it should be properly explained and guidance is needed.

Can peers influence one’s sexuality? How can parents help their children choose friends?

‘Yes. Parents may try to screen their friends and introduce them to people who their children can emulate.

What is the father’s role in the family?

‘The father should affirm the development their sons and daughters. Fathers should compliment their children. When children feel that they do not belong, they look for the sense of belonging outside the family. That’s when the child goes astray.

When should one seek professional help?

• When a person is confused and distressed about his or her sexuality.


• When a person experienced sexual trauma or violation in the form of incest or rape.


• When they have strong urges and do not know how to deal with it.


• Promiscuous behaviors.


• If they have questions that they’re too embarrassed to ask family or friends for fear of being judged.

Every parent has their child’s best interest in mind. Since we cannot live lives for our children, our only recourse is to pray for our children, maintain an open line of communication with them, guide them through instilling right values in them and live by example.

... a generation that does not care? ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

.
A Generation that Does Not Care?
By RONALD S. LIM
Manila Bulletin (excerpts)
September 1, 2010, 7:46pm

.
Last week, a shocked world bore witness as former policeman Rolando Mendoza held more than 20 Chinese tourists from Hong Kong hostage aboard a bus in front of the Quirino Grandstand in Manila. When negotiations broke down after more than 12 hours, Mendoza fired at his captives, resulting in the death of eight tourists.
.

While the perceived incompetence of police authorities in the handling of the hostage crisis was enough to anger the people, what incensed them further was the appearance of pictures of Filipino students and policemen having their pictures taken beside the doomed bus.
.
The pictures quickly circulated on social networking sites and were quickly condemned by Filipinos and Chinese alike as an incredibly insensitive act. Is this act of insensitivity unique to Filipinos?
. ‘JUST ACTING THEIR AGE’
.
Filipino psychologist Randy Dellosa says that despite the inappropriateness of the act, the students that took their pictures in front of the tourist bus are just acting their age.
.
“There are many reasons why the Filipino youngsters would do this. Owing to their lack of social consciousness, they do not realize the gravity of what had just happened. Because of their emotional immaturity, they fail to empathize with the emotional trauma which the victims and their families are currently going through. And lastly, some students are simply unthinking and have their pictures taken at the site just because their other classmates are doing it too,” Dellosa explains.
.
While some of today’s young people are definitely insensitive, Dellosa says it is only the Internet that makes it seem like every one of them is.
.
“The insensitivity of some Filipino youths is so glaring, particularly because they unabashedly exhibit their pictures on the Internet,” he says. “Because their pictures are for all to see, people may be tempted to think that insensitivity is a defining characteristic of the Filipino youth, even if it is just descriptive of a minority.”
.
Dellosa also notes that narcissism by itself is not necessarily a bad thing, as this trait of today’s young people can be harnessed for the greater good.
.
“All teens possess a degree of narcissism. It is narcissism which makes teens focus more on themselves so that they can develop their own adult identities,” he explains. “But when the narcissism overshadows their personality, it can make them insensitive, selfish, and arrogant.”
.
EXPOSURE TO SUFFERING
.
According to Dellosa, what needs to be done is a re-education of today’s youth, opening their eyes to the realities of what everyday Filipinos have to go through everyday.
. “Young Filipinos need to be exposed to the hardships and sufferings of their fellow Filipinos. When the youth become conscious of how others are in need, this may awaken their desire to empathize with others, instead of just thinking about themselves,” he says.
Dellosa also recommends teaching today’s youngsters the difference between values and virtues, to help them distinguish what behavior is acceptable in greater society.
. “Values are what individuals deem as personally important for themselves. Virtues, on the other hand, are commendable traits or qualities which are meant for the common good of all people,” he explains. “When teens are ‘virtuous,’ they become more concerned about the welfare of others act to uplift the plight of those in need.”
.

... psychology of a hostage crisis ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

.
The Psychology of a Hostage Crisis
by Caroline J. Howard, ANC
08/24/2010 11:01 PM

.
MANILA, Philippines - What prompted Senior Inspector Rolando Mendoza to turn from a crime-fighter to be on the wrong side of the law? What could have driven him to be an armed threat to human life instead of protecting it as he was supposed to as a man of the law?
.
Before grabbing headlines for the hostage-crisis, Mendoza was counted among the top men in the country's police force. But with 4 other policemen, he was dismissed from service on charges of the illegal arrest and extortion of an individual in 2008.
.
On Monday, the disgruntled police officer took the law into his own hands. In an act of desperation, he commandeered a tourist bus and took 22 Hong Kong tourists and three Filipinos hostages to prod authorities to look at his case. Mendoza wanted the Ombudsman to review his case and reinstate him into the country's police force.
.
"If the case he was talking about was in 2008, that means he was harboring a grudge. It was festering in him. This was his desperate final act," psychologist Randy Dellosa said on Mornings@ANC.
.
Dellosa said people react to grievances in three ways: they either don't get affected, pass it off quickly, or develop psychological disturbances. He added it is the third way that people have to watch out for.
.
He said signs of depression anxiety are: insomnia or any change in sleeping patterns, changes in a person's appetite and energy level, gloominess of attitude that makes them suicidal or think about death, problems with focusing, palpitation, light-headedness and fear of death. Noting how such symptoms may remain hidden until a later time, he added clinical intervention would help diffuse the intensity of the person's feelings.
.
Dellosa said Mendoza may have lost control when he realized there was no way authorities would give in to his demands after the police arrested his brother, Gregorio.
.

Hostage trauma
.
Dellosa said survivors of Monday's hostage crisis will need time and a lot of emotional support to recover from the trauma of the incident. He emphasized the value of family support, and the opportunity to retell the incident to reduce the intensity of emotions.
.
"During times of crisis, there's the adrenaline rush, panic. So this might stay with them for a long time. Giving them physical reassurance that will help them," Dellosa noted, adding comforting gestures and human touch will go a long way.
.
Dellosa said the 3-part process in addresses hostage trauma involves, diffusion or giving information, debriefing or helping survivors understand what happened, and following-up.
.
He said the approach to treating the trauma depends on the individual's needs, adding children, who may not express their feelings as well, are usually more severely affected by the incident. "Whether it's adults or kids, it has to be personalized. We have to find our what their concept is of death. What was their experience inside the bus. There are some children who may not even care, it may have just been a drama they participated in and its forgettable. Sometimes, it may even be the parents who magnify or intensify their experiences, so parents have to be coached."
.
Mendoza's own family will have to deal with trauma from the hostage crisis, and the circumstances surrounding their kin's death. Dellosa said the Mendozas will also need time to rest adding that while media and police may continue to hound them for a statement, they should be allowed to grieve and come to terms with their family's loss.
. A country's duty
.
As the country comes to terms with the incident, and a new travel ban from Hong Kong, Dellosa said, it must remain sympathetic to the Chinese territory by showing the Philippine government's sincerity in delivering justice. "We need to show that we're doing something to rectify the fault, and keep following up the condition of hostage survivors to show we're sympathetic."
.
Dellosa, however, admitted one way to cope with tragedy and grief is for people to realize and accept their humanity. “We we're all unprepared, all of us are shocked. The best thing is to realize that there are some things we can't control and some we can."
.

... article on marlene aguilar and jason ivler ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

.

She ‘Displays Exemplary Unconditional Love’ But ...

by Nikko Dizon

Philippine Daily Inquirer (excerpt)

First Posted 02:01:00 01/22/2010

.

MANILA, Philippines—Marlene Aguilar may take a thousand bullets for her son, as she has declared, but psychologists say a mother should also find a way for her child to take responsibility for his actions.

. An objective view of Aguilar’s actions would show that “to some degree, her actions were an exemplary, commendable display of unconditional love,” according to Randy Dellosa, a clinical psychologist and psychiatrist.

.
“There was a willingness to sacrifice herself and to protect her loved one,” Dellosa said, noting the “enmeshed relationship” between the mother and son.

“[Sadly however], there was also a high tolerance for inappropriate behavior, and even an act of covering up for it... It’s something like a negatively dependent relationship. They need each other... where the mother is the rescuer of her son who needs rescuing,” he said.

. “A mother’s love should be limitless,” Dellosa explained. “But it doesn’t mean condoning the child’s mistakes because helping or getting help for the child, imposing disciplinary actions on him, is also a sign of limitless love.”

.

... typhoon ondoy, post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd), and disaster counseling ... (philippines, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

.

Dealing with trauma after 'Ondoy'

(article excerpt)
ABS-CBN - Wednesday, September 30

MANILA - The damage brought by tropical storm Ondoy (international code name Ketsana) ruined the lives and homes of thousands of Filipinos in Metro Manila and surrounding provinces.

.
"This time, we're dealing with trauma based on a calamity or disaster. So it's very disheartening to know the extent of the damage, not only environmentally but with regard to people's lives," said clinical psychologist Dr. Randy Dellosa in an interview on Mornings @ ANC on Tuesday.
.
Trauma
.
Dellosa said there are different kinds of trauma based on different emotional incidents in a person's life.
.
"I've talked to a number of survivors and they have exhibited different types of emotions," he said.
.
Though they have bravely stepped up to help others during the typhoon, disaster response teams or volunteer rescuers also need help themselves.
.
"These 'heroes' also need our help. Because some of them may be acting out of their own fears. We call this counter-phobic helping. Just to confront their fears, they start helping people, but deep inside they have anxieties and fears," Dellosa said.
.
Common reactions experienced by disaster victims are the following:
.
SHOCK over the suddenness of the disaster, being unprepared for it, and feeling bewildered. Dellosa said there is also a tendency for victims to deny that things were happening to them, even if they were confronted with flood waters and scenes of death and destruction.
.
ANGER that can be directed towards the disaster, God, others, or themselves. Victims question why disasters happened to them and if they had done anything wrong. They can also feel regret for choosing to live at a certain place, especially when there is great loss.
.
DEPRESSION after losing property or loved ones. Dellosa said it is natural for victiims to cry profusely, even if they don't know the reason, or to feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. "That's part of the grief of losing so many things," he said.
.
SURVIVAL GUILT or wondering why they survived and others did not. Victims may feel that others were more worthy of living, or that they did not do enought to help others. This is sometimes accompanied by the feeling that they should have died along with their loved ones.
.
Further, people surrounding a typhoon victim or survivor are also at risk for developing psychiatric disorders because the experience of dealing with others' losses can be traumatic or make them feel vulnerable.
.
Telltale signs
.
Victims can develop anxiety disorders like a panic disorder. Throughout a person's day, they can experience periodic symptoms like shortness of breath, palpitations, gastric disturbances, and tenseness of the body.
.
Dellosa said victims can also experience anticipatory anxiety, or the fear that something traumatic will happen again. This can happen, for example, if a typhoon victim gets nervous at the first sight of rain.
.
Depression can manifest in sudden changes in appetite, energy level, or sleeping patterns. Victims have difficulty focusing or concentrating, and can even have suicidal tendencies or thoughts - just to escape pain or even to reunite themselves with their loved ones. 'Sometimes they are stoic and do not show emotions. But they are delaying the manifestation of their anxiety. Everyone can experience this, from old to young," Dellosa said, adding that children and the elderly are particularly vulnerable to emotional stress.
.
What to do
.
He warned those who have relatives of friends who exhibit overwhelming anxiety or depression to seek professional help immediately, or to offer a sympathetic ear so that victims can unload their feelings.
.
In counseling, this is called a "defusion stage" where victims release pent-up emotions and tell their stories so that healing takes place. "You have to lower the level of anxiety and terror that they feel. This takes place in the first few hours after the disaster and before they sleep. Allow them to vent and share their stories," Dellosa said.
.
People should also avoid showing graphic images of calamities to victims because it reinforces their negative feelings. It would also be a good time to mobilize the victim's support system (friends, family, church) to remove feelings of helplesness or lonliness.
.

... art therapy in the philippines for cancer survivors ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

.

Express, Express, Express

(excerpts)

by Fran Young

The Big C Magazine, July-September 2009

.

In one of the programs for breast cancer survivors at Doc Randy's Wellness Center, survivors are asked to focus on their breasts and allow spontaneous imagery to surface. They express this imagery on paper, then they're encouraged to release their emotions.
.

Doc Randy notes, "If we change the imagery in our minds, then it has an effect on our body, mind, and emotions. There are theorists who say that stress has a lot to do with developing cancer.... So we use art therapy to strengthen the immune system."
.

... manila bulletin: it’s all about me, me, me! ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

.

.

IT''S ALL ABOUT ME, ME, ME!

(article excerpts)

by Jaser A. Marasigan

August 11, 2009, 8:17pm

.

They communicate differently from the rest of us – walking around and crossing the streets with ears plugged, texting, tweeting. Camwhores is how they self-effacingly call themselves. With the latest mobile phones, they love taking pictures of themselves, either happily alone or with friends. They often hang out with friends at a coffee shop, talking about the fun weekend they had, their future aspirations, loves and relationships.

.
Young people today are being portrayed as self-centered zombies who care more about their iPods. Expected to be highly tech-savvies, they text, e-mail, IM, play online games, surf the net, go on Facebook or Friendster, call on the latest mobile phones, and watch TV, all done simultaneously more often than not.

.

ALL ABOUT ME

.

According to Jean Twenge, the author of “Generation Me” and “The Narcissism Epidemic” (with W. Keith Campbell), today’s young people think they are so special, where in fact, they are not. Although they have become more confident and assertive, they have also turned themselves into a narcissistic and self-centered generation.

.

SELF-EXPRESSION

.

Filipino psychologist Dr. Randy Dellosa, on the other hand, considers this behavior as more of self-expression rather than narcissism.

.
“When we say narcissistic, it’s more of self-absorption, more of one’s self becoming the center more than anyone else. I would call it more of trying to define one’s self,” he explains.

.
Dellosa traces this back to the 1960’s when people would be getting out of convention and defining themselves apart from the convention.

.

“I guess what’s different now is that this generation is presented with new opportunities, resources, and avenues for self-expression and self-definition.” He agrees that technology is a factor and is considered as one, if not, the most popular resources for self-expression.
.

“There’s the Internet and cellphones. There are websites that promote these opportunities like blog sites and YouTube,” Dr. Dellosa adds.

.He also thinks that this trend is more evident today because Filipinos have been repressed for so long. There were expectations to conform and not to speak up. “Historically, nandun na rin yung martial law, which was very repressive and pushed for conformity. After the 1980’s, nung nawala na si Marcos doon nag-boom yung opportunities for self-expression,” he relates.

.

It also ties up with what’s happening economically. Parents are leaving as OFWs and children are being left on their own. And so the need for acceptance and belongingness is going to be met from outside of the family, so they will turn to their friends. Posting themselves on these sites and then receiving acceptance, that’s an opportunity to get the acceptance that they need,” Dr. Dellosa continues.
.

CLONES AND WANNABES
.

Both sociologist Dr. Josephine Aguilar-Placido and Dr. Dellosa agree that the young people of today may pride themselves in being part of the Me Generation, but in truth, they are actually turning into clones of each other. The “Me Generation” is defining themselves in relation to fads. By being like somebody else, they think they are being themselves.

.

Assuming that these kids’ parents are not around for them, Dellosa thinks that the schools should step up as they need to have greater awareness of this issue.
.

“As long as they’re incomplete inside, they’ll try to conform to others. They are emotionally incomplete and psychologically insecure. They should work on their self-growth and on being complete unto themselves so they won’t have to copy others. They should be content inside and with who they really are,” says Dellosa.

.