Inside the Barretto family feud
By Maridol Rañoa-Bismark | Say Cheese! – Wed, May 1, 2013 10:00 AM PHT
Claudine Barretto (NPPA Images)
It involves the high profile Barretto showbiz family, led by Gretchen, her sisters Marjorie and Claudine, and niece Julia.
It has spawned more questions than answers, confusing us all the more.
On top of the list is what pushed Inday to go public with her grievance over Gretchen, when the matriarch is expected to protect her child and unite the family.
Psychologist and life coach Dr. Randy Dellosa shares his opinions to Yahoo! Philippines OMG!
“It seems easy for people to assume a holier-than-thou attitude and judge Inday Barretto as an uncaring and irresponsible mother for disowning Gretchen,” Dellosa begins.“However, we need to understand her actions, not from our own limited and superficial perspective but from the perspective of a mother embroiled in a complicated family situation.”
Dellosa thinks Inday’s act of publicly disowning Gretchen is rooted on two big reasons:
One, Inday must have gotten extremely hurt and angered by Gretchen’s attitudes and behavior, to a point that she could no longer tolerate them, and two, Inday is protective of Claudine who she feels is being bullied and unjustly vilified by Gretchen.
Following her heart
Dellosa adds that whether we agree with Inday or not, she is following what her heart and conscience dictate, and doing what she feels a mother ought to do to manage the family crisis.
He also thinks that Inday was right to publicly reprimand Gretchen for her verbal tirades against Claudine and for divulging the family secrets.
Dellosa adds that “airing her side of the story was Inday’s way of protecting her family’s dignity.”
But he disagreed with the Barretto matriarch’s way of expressing herself.
“Unwittingly, Inday was behaving in the very same ballistic way her children were acting towards each other.”
Dellosa stresses that mom or dad must act as pacifiers in the midst of sibling wars.
“In assuming these roles, parents should avoid taking sides and remain calm, objective, and neutral. When heated arguments ensue, parents need to pacify their warring children and help them settle their differences. The end goal is for parents to guide their children towards eventual forgiveness, paving the way for a sincere and lasting reconciliation.”
Where Julia should stand
As for Julia, the starting point of the latest family feud (Gretchen posted her reaction on Instagram after a netizen called her niece “maarte”), Dellosa thinks the young Star Magic talent is doing well in distancing herself from the issue.
Otherwise, Delllosa fears Julia will be distracted from her young career. Not only that.
“It will most likely tarnish her public image and scar her personal life as well,” warns Dellosa.
He continues, “It is best for Julia to resist being used as a pawn by her warring relatives. She needs to ignore the chaos around her, to focus on herself, and to simply mind her own business.”
So how will the Barrettos get out of this latest family mess?
Professional help and the willingness to eat humble pie, answers Dellosa.
“The sibling war of the Barrettos seems to have had a long history of misunderstandings, hurts, and grudges. Because the roots of their family feud run deep, it will be helpful for the Barrettos to seek the help of a professional mediator or family therapist.
He goes on, “No matter how hopeless the family situation seems, the process of family healing simply starts with at least one family member who is willing to humbly set aside her pride, let go of hurts, admit her faults, and sincerely extend the hand of reconciliation.
The Barrettos are being crucified in social media. About time they resolve their problems themselves and stop being mere fodder for showbiz gossip and worse, examples of how not to deal with family crises.
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