... how not to plagiarize ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

tv5's reaksyon weekend sent danny tamayo to get some tips from me about how plagiarism can be avoided. their interest in the topic was sparked off by the plagiarism allegations involving senator tito sotto.

well, i'm going to mention some tips in this blog entry, and to give credit where credit is due, i cut and pasted them from this website which you can visit if you want to:  http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/589/01/.  

here are THEIR tips:

- Develop a topic based on what has already been said and written BUT write something new and original.

- Rely on experts' and authorities opinions BUT improve upon and/or disagree with those same opinions.

- Give credit to previous researchers BUT make your own significant contribution.

- Improve your English to fit into a discourse community by building upon what you hear and read BUT use your own words and your own voice.  

some of you may ask whether i ever plagiarized.  well of course i have, and that was way back decades ago when i was still a tiny tot in grade school.  i loved the poet ogden nash so much that i passed off one of his poems as mine.   i don't remember the exact poem, although i think it was a 3-line funny poem. i've lost that book but now that i think about it, i hope i get hold of it again.  looking back, what made me plagiarize back then was plain ignorance.  i didn't know it was wrong to plagiarize, and i was never told that plagiarism was wrong, because if i knew that it was, then i would never have done it :D

... discovering your husband is gay ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

abscbn's umagang kay ganda sent sandra tobillo and ariel rodriguez to ask me the question, "should a wife end her marriage upon discovering that her husband is gay?"  

there is no absolute answer here, because for most of life's complex problems, the answer depends on the situation. 

for sure, we have to take into account the wife's feelings that she had been deceived or betrayed. what ensues for her is an emotional roller coaster ride of shock, denial, anger, depression, guilt, and shame.  a general principle for the wife is for her not to make any major decision of separation until she's gotten off that emotional roller coaster ride.  major decisions are better made with clear minds; impulsive emotional decisions may be regretted later on.  

in clinical practice, the women i talk to with this sort of problem react in various ways.  many women will decide to stay in the relationship as long as the husband decides never to act on his homosexual urges again.  other women, without batting an eyelash, will wholeheartedly decide to separate.  and some women can tolerate or will not even care whether their husband is homosexual as long as "walang ibang babae at ako ang uuwian," they say.  

at the end, before the woman makes a final decision, she will have to consider the long-term effects of her decision on the children, parents, relatives, friends, financial status and obligations, and her emotional well-being. 

... phobia treatment and therapy in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila)

jason bondoc and ana rodrigo of gma's aha! (hosted by drew arellano) brought me 3 people whose phobias  they wanted me to treat.  

jason and ana

the first client, a hair dresser by the name of benedict, had a fear of coffins.  in the therapy session, i found out that his phobia began as a toddler at his father's wake.  one of their family's rituals was to take a step over the dead person's coffin in the belief that this prevents the deceased person from lingering on earth.  however, benedict felt terrified by the ritual. he imagined that his deceased father would open his eyes and come back to life as he stepped over the coffin. despite his unwillingness, benedict was forced to engage in the ritual which thus began his current phobia.

ruth, becca, me, and benedict

to help undo benedict's phobia, i gave him this instruction,"if your deceased dad could talk to you now about your fears, what would he tell you?"  he then broke into a tearful monologue wherein his deceased dad assured him that he never wanted to depart from his earthly life so early, and he never had any intention to get him scared. this exercise proved therapeutic as benedict felt relieved having "heard" his deceased dad's message of encouragement and reassurance to him. 

okay, next client was becca, a 19-year old student with a phobia of chickens.  from my interview with her, i found out that she had witnessed the butchering of a live chicken and afterwards developed the phobia.  for becca, the therapy i did was called "gradual desensitization" which involved making her imagine that she was petting a chicken, and then making her touch an actual live one.  fortunately, the therapy proved to be a success. 
  

and then there was ruth- a young mother who developed a fear of the dark after she experienced some paranormal activities in her house.  for her, i recommended the behavioral method called "flooding," where she gets exposed to stay in actual darkness until her phobic reaction diminishes.  

phobia is a psychologically debilitating condition and i am just glad to be given the opporturnity to help relieve ruth, becca, and benedict of their fears.  

... anger management in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

net 25's pasugo sent bro. vic alejandro and elaine cruz to get sound bites from me about anger management.

everyone gets angry at one time or another.  but when the anger gets too intense, or too prolonged, or when it is set off by even little nuances, or when it starts getting displaced onto innocent people, or when it starts posing a threat to the safety of people, then you know that the anger has reached abnormal proportions.
  

i've written a blog entry on anger management which you might want to review:  http://randydellosa.blogspot.com/2012/05/on-conflict-conflict-resolution-and.html

so far, in my clinical practice, angry people are best helped by a combination of psychotherapy and medication.  the purpose of psychotherapy is to dig deep and deal with the roots of the problem.  but since psychotherapy is a long process, medications are a quicker option for anger management especially for angry people who are unmanageably aggressive, violent, or destructive.

... tarot card psychotherapy in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

u.p. college of medicine students- hazel soriano and siblings nas and nass tillah, visited me for a session on tarot card psychotherapy.  

just like the modern playing cards we use in playing pusoy dos or tong-its, tarot cards are a deck of playing cards which originated in Europe in the late middle ages (14th-15th centuries).  the original purpose of tarot cards is to play the italian card game called tarocchi, also known as tarok.  

in the 18th century however, the tarot cards became popularly used for purposes of divination (i.e., foretelling the future) most probably because the cards contained intricate imagery which card readers could ascribe meaning to.   

in tarot card psychotherapy, the cards are not used for divination but as help aids in making the client talk about the issues and concerns in his or her life.  it is the client who interprets the cards as the psychotherapist simply facilitates the process.  the tarot cards become especially useful when the client is able to emotionally connect with the images in the chosen tarot cards. 

just like the rorschack inkblot test cards, using tarot cards is a projective technique wherein the client projects his thoughts and feelings onto the images of the cards, which are then explored in psychotherapy session.    

The ultimate goal of tarot card psychotherapy is to help the client resolve inner struggles that serve as obstacles to personal growth and a joyful life.  

... narcissistic personality disorder and tips on how to handle them ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)c

the diagnosis "narcissistic personality disorder" is derived from the greek mythological character "narcissus."  

he was a hunter who was popular for his extremely good looks and notorious for his arrogance.  one day, he saw his reflection in the water and not realizing that it was merely a reflection of himself, he fell in love with that person he thought was in the water.  he was so enamored by the reflection that he became fixated with it and refused to leave until he died.  other versions of the myth say that the gods transformed him into the flower which now bears his name.  

at one time or another, we have all encountered narcissists- the 'ego maniacs" we call them, who possess an annoying and intolerable sense of self-importance and self-centeredness.   you might want to review the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder  (NPD) which i enumerated in this previous blog entry: http://randydellosa.blogspot.com/2012/03/narcissistic-personality-disorder-in.html

NPD is a personality disorder which means that it is not treatable or curable by medications. people with NPD are genetically wired to be the arrogant way they are.  because they actually enjoy their narcissism, they are resistant to change. in the first place, they'll not even think that there's anything wrong with them, and it is more likely for them to think that everyone else is the problem or at fault.

here are some tips on how to handle narcissists:

1.  since narcissists have an overwhelming desire to be admired, just feed their ego with what whatever compliment or adulation they want to hear. and while at it, just try to act sincere as you give the compliments.  

2.  in placing himself or herself on a pedestal, the narcissist will need to belittle, demean, or ignore you.  the narcissist needs to put you down to put himself or herself up.  so just ACT belittled, demeaned, or ignored.  remember though that you are simply acting or faking it- you don't have to believe the inferiority which the narcissist wants you to feel or think about yourself.

3.  being in a relationship with a narcissist requires that you be a martyr of sorts.  it is you who will need to adjust to the narcissist.  to expect the narcissist to meet your emotional needs will only frustrate you.  don't rely on the narcissist to be sensitive to how you feel; because of their self-centeredness, they most likely never will.

4.  love yourself despite how mean the narcissist treats you. your self-worth and happiness should never be dependent on a narcissist.  make sure you take care of yourself and nurture yourself through other people and  activities that emotionally recharge you. 

5.  narcissists are very sensitive to criticism.  if you need to confront them, just express your feelings and focus on their hurtful behaviors without making the narcissist feel that you are judging him or her. don't expect though for the narcissist to change.  

6.  and lastly, when you can't tolerate it any longer, you always have the option to jump ship! you shouldn't even have entered into a relationship with a person with NPD in the first place!

... paghihilom through the heal-om festival ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapy, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, osteopath, quezon city, manila, philippines)

"hilom" is the tagalog word for "heal," and "om" is a hindu syllable which refers to the first sound manifested during the creation of the universe, the vibrational energy of God.   "heal-om" then is apt title for a festival that aims to bring healing to a wounded humanity.  

opening ceremony

much divisiveness and much anger have arisen because people are more loyal to their religion than to our God who transcends ALL religions. many acts of prejudice and atrocity have in fact been arrogantly committed in the name of God who ironically is proclaimed to be the God of love and compassion.  sadly, God has merely become a pawn used by narrow-minded religious zealots to prove that their religion is better than others'.  what humanity needs now is a deep healing brought about through a unified spirituality despite religious diversity.  

the inter-faith dialogue

it is a heart-warming sight to see representatives of different faiths let go of their religious differences to promote the true meaning of "kabalikat-" being "shoulder to shoulder" with each other in worshiping God, the Creator of all humanity, no matter what religion they may have.  

speaking of religious diversity, what comes to my mind is the biblical verse which declares that God shows no favoritism in showering His unconditional love and grace.  Matthew 5:45 says, "In this way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.  For he gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and unjust alike."

  

 a joyous celebration and spiritual frenzy arise in the absence of religious borders and boundaries.  catholics, born-again christians, muslims, buddhists, hindu, and people of various other faiths demonstrate the essence of spiritual camaraderie.

special number:  taichi fan dance

special number:  capoeira

highlights of the event for me: (besides meeting lydia cabasco of soulcollage, harriet hormillosa of RCW, gina lee, nino tchoi, james asprer, greg ciocson, david montecillo, and kim lopa of The Lily and Beyond)

attending an art workshop entitled PLAY! Exploring Intuitive Creativity with mimsy sermonia-jundis of mamaste.

having my palm read by bernie tiongco of ripples. 

being inspired by the story of romnick blanco, a 14-year old farmer's son who lived at the foothills of the Sierra Madre Mountains.  he would walk 4-hours roundtrip just to attend school everyday.  through the assistance of GreenEarth Heritage Foundation, he was awarded a scholarship at the International School of Manila. 

sharing a booth with yasmin nuno, owner of ripples bookstore at robinson galleria.

and of course, enjoying the event with the life change recovery staff- jonel, may, and ms. agnes.

... cybersextortion in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, quezon city, manila)

more and more it happens, this cybersextortion phenomenon.  and that's why tv5's bitag, hosted by mr. ben tulfo, interviewed me about it. fact is, i've had a number of clients who have had this harrowing experience.  

cybersextortion, as the term implies, involves the internet, blackmail, and extortion. bitag presented me the case of a lady whose email account was hacked.  the hacker had discovered the lady's naked pictures in the emails which the hacker threatened to spread on the internet unless he was paid a whopping P100K.

lesson here is never to keep naked pictures of yourself stored in your email account. and better yet, never have any naked pictures of yourself taken.