... filipinos and their disgust for brown skin ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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the correspondents' crew of abs-cbn did a segment on the filipinos' desperation to have white (not just fair) skin. here are some points i brought up in the interview:

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• many filipinos are proud of being brown-skinned only when they are abroad and among fair-skinned westerners. when they return to the philippines, they are back to being disgusted with their brown skin.
• through its media campaigns, the cosmetic industry in the philippines has succeeded in ingraining in filipinos a deep-seated shame for brown skin. what a difference it would be if the ad campaigns were instead directed at making filipinos proud of their ethnicity and malay appearance. the cosmetic industry would still earn billions from selling products that enhance the health, glow, and beauty of brown skin.
• how funny (and sad at the same time) that in beauty contests, our representatives are almost always of mixed breed (e.g., fil-am, fil-indian, etc.). this just reinforces the belief that filipinos can only be beautiful "kung malahian ng foreigner." rather than aiming to meet western standards of beauty, we should instead showcase the beauty of the brown-skinned pinay (whether we win or lose!) as an aside, i also believe that filipina beauty contestants should have a translator during the "question-and-answer" portion. the purpose of this would be to showcase the filipino language and the dialects that we have.

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there's much more i said during the interview but can't recall at this time. i just want to end with this thought: if we filipinos really start believing that brown is beautiful, people from other countries might envy us and want to be filipinos themselves!

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... upgrading my acupuncture skills ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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it was very generous of dr. mike to give us a lecture on abdominal acupuncture.

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it was even more generous of one of our classmates to offer his abdomen for the WHOLE CLASS to practice on. good thing his abdomen had a lot of surface area!

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thanks dr. mike and thanks dear classmate. your generosity will result in many people's abdomen getting punctured.

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... relationship counselor, marital counselor, couples counselor in the philippines ... (life coach, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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gretchen malalad- karate black belter, beauty queen, and tv field reporter was my partner in the "he says, she says" portion of the JCI's metro area conference.

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i was tasked to give a brief talk on love and relationships and expounded on the following points:

1. opposites attract but repel each other in the long run.
2. men are naturally polygamous, controlled only by religion and laws.
3. love is not equivalent to faithfulness; your partner may truly love you and truly love others as well.
4. it is better for your partner to "like" you than to "love" you.
5. the qualities or traits which you don't like in your partner before marriage only worsen after marriage.
6. if you don't want to be hated, stop nagging!
7. the best predictor of future infidelity is your partner's track record of unfaithfulness.
8. the fewer the expectations or demands on your partner, the lesser the conflict.
9. if you've broken up twice, forget it, you're not meant for each other.
10. if you are a martyr in a relationship, you definitely need professional help.
11. if you suspect that your partner is playing around, it's most probably true.
12. we usually fall in love with someone with the traits of our dad or mom to perpetuate their mistakes and dysfunctional patterns.
13. it's useless to stop men from philandering if they're still enjoying it.
14. choose to be happy, with or without a partner. the "you complete me" line is candy-coated crap.

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the talk sparked a lively and heated discussion between the men and women in the group which, just proves that men are really from mars and women? from venus!

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... teens as murderers ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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recently in the news was the story of a young male teen student who stabbed his teacher to death. the reason? he was reprimanded for having long hair and was told to get a haircut.

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ted failon's crew wanted my take on the sad and shocking incident. in brief, i told them that such behavior may have been influenced by many factors: the influence of violent computer games, possible membership in notorious juvenile gangs, the possibility of an antisocial personality disorder, possibility of childhood abuse, etc.

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sad indeed that kids can turn out to be cold-blooded murderers.

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and to think that the teachers and even the principal of the school have received threats that another murder is the offing!

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... dream analysis / dream interpretation in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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segment producer japs (far right) and crew interviewed me for drew arellano's GMA TV show "ahaha." the topic was on dreams.

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in the brief interview, i stressed the following points:

• that dreams are best interpreted by the dreamer, rather than by dream interpreters or dream dictionaries.
• that instead of going to a dream interpreter, the person to approach should be a dream analyst or dream psychotherapist. Through special exercises and activities, the dream psychotherapist helps the dreamer discover the personal meaning of the dream.
• that the best dreams to analyze are nightmares, recurrent dreams, childhood dreams, and bizarre/odd dreams.

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after the interview, one of the camera men got a chance to do some dream analysis with me. from the way he was smiling immediately after the mini dream session, it looked liked he enjoyed it.

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... on the mariel-robin affair ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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Mariel Speaks Up on Issues (excerpts)
FUNFARE By Ricardo F. Lo (The Philippine Star)
Posted at 08/25/2010 7:20 AM Updated as of 08/25/2010 7:20 AM

. MANILA, Philippines -- On the heels of her sudden trip to India to follow Robin Padilla, Mariel Rodriguez has unwittingly left a trail of rumors which she promptly cleared up in an exclusive interview with Funfare yesterday, three days after she and Robin came back late Saturday night.
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As Funfare reported Wednesday last week, a day after Mariel left, Robin wanted to bring Mariel to Agra to show her the magnificent Taj Mahal which fascinated Robin no end since his first visit there last year because of its being “a symbol of enduring love,” the way they feel toward each other…well, so far.
. Meanwhile, Dr. Randy Dellosa, life coach and relationship counselor for celebrities, gives a list of “what-ifs.”
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“It depends on their expectations of each other. If Mariel demands faithfulness and monogamy from Robin, and he complies, the relationship will probably last. On the other hand, Robin may insist on remaining polygamous. If Mariel is able to tolerate his philandering ways, the relationship is also likely to last.”
. Dellosa’s words of caution could apply, not just to Mariel, but to others as smitten as she is.
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“In the heat of passion, there is a tendency to confuse `infatuation’ with `love.’ Infatuation usually happens in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. The feeling of being on `Cloud Nine’ is not the same as love. Love is a commitment to the welfare of another. It is built, tested and proven over time, and survives through thick and thin. According to psychologists, unresolved emotional neediness makes people choose dysfunctional partners.”
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... relationship counseling, couples counseling, marital counseling in the philippines ...

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The Cheating Curve (excerpts)
By Marian Trinidad
Men’s Health Philippines 2010

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Psychologist and psychiatrist Randy Dellosa, MD says that while society speaks ill of infidelity, cheating is "popularly accepted as normal and even expected behavior of men" in the Philippines.

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Infidelity, according to Dr. Dellosa, occurs when there is a violation of couple's contract to be intimate and exclusive partners. It comes in many forms, like flirting, cybersex, emotional affairs, correspondence through e-mail or SMS, and sexual relations.
. Dr. Dellosa, renowned life coach, explains that cheating happens when any of the main ingredients of a relationship—passion, commitment and intimacy—are found to be wanting.

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Dr. Dellosa explains that cheating involves elements of boundary violations, deception and denial. He reveals that most women consult him because they felt betrayed by their partners. "Initially upon discovery of the betrayal, the betrayed partner experiences an overwhelming mix of shock, anger, disillusionment and grief," he explains.
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Aside from the emotional anguish, Dr. Dellosa adds that the betrayed partner is usually confused whether to continue or call it quits as a couple.

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HOW WE HEAL
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Dr. Dellosa points out that relationships may never be the same after an infidelity. But he stresses that while emotional healing may be challenging, it is possible. He enumerates these steps:

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• Owe up to your offense .
• Don't find fault in her, your job, or other external excuses to latch on. You made a mistake, move on and figure out how to rectify the situation.
• Empathize with her emotions.
• She'll give you a hard time for quite a while. Suck it up. Listen to what she has to say. Take her out like you used to—she'll appreciate the effort.
• Show remorse.
• Suggest and show up at marriage counseling. Express your regret shamelessly, but sincerely. Be as humbled as you were when you first courted her.
• Commit to change.
• Consult a psychiatrist, see your parish priest, or join a spiritual group for guidance.
• Cut off contact with the other woman.
• Erase your mistress from your phonebook, quit your job if you must, to avoid her with certainty.
• Now that you really do have free time, use it with your family.

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... the randy dellosa growth groups ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist)

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The Randy Dellosa Growth Groups

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What is a Growth Group?
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• Growth Groups are small groups composed of 5-8 participants that meet regularly for the purpose of attaining greater self-discovery, personal growth, and life transformation.
• Growth Groups are highly-interactional and highly-experiential.
• Growth Groups may engage in activities such as psychodrama, body and sensory awareness, art/ sound/ and music therapy, dream work, health work, regressive-cathartic work, and others.
• Growth Groups aim for the growth and maturity of the total person. All aspects of the participants' lives-- the emotional, psychological, cognitive, behavioral, physical, relational, and spiritual aspects are addressed.
• The Growth Group is held in an environment that is supportive, safe, nurturing, and confidential.

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Who can benefit from Growth Groups?

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People who are:

• Seeking to be more self-confident and satisfied with themselves
• Seeking to break away from the dysfunctional and self-defeating patterns of their lives
• Undergoing life transitions and needing clearer direction for the future
• Seeking emotional, psychological, cognitive, physical, relational, and spiritual integration, and wholeness
• Seeking to relate with others more authentically and harmoniously
• Pursuing a path of self-discovery, personal growth, and life transformation
• Seeking for deeper purpose, meaning, and joy in life

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Mechanics for joining an Growth Group:

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• A psychological evaluation and one-on-one interview is required for selection of eligible participants.
• Growth group meetings last for 3 hours.
• Each participant must abide by the rules and ethical guidelines of the Growth Group.
• The selected participants will be informed of the schedule for the Growth Group Meetings.

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Some Guidelines for the Growth Group:
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• Participate actively.
• Express yourself.
• Be honest with everyone, including yourself.
• Stay in touch with your feelings.
• Focus on your experience in the here-and-now.
• Take responsibility for your choices.
• Take risks. Get out of your comfort zone.
• Give feedback and be open to feedback.
• Discover your defenses.
• Grow and expect to become a different person.
• Respect confidentiality.

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... gary lising's autobiography ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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i passed by Gary Lising's shop in Robinson's Galleria in search of some gadgets that might benefit my patients suffering from sexual dysfunction. i didn't find exactly what i wanted but i got the pleasure of meeting Mr. Gary again, who i bump into once in a while when i visit abs-cbn.

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intrigued by this hilarious guy, i researched on the internet about his life story and was pleased to find his autobiography. i hope you all get inspired by the heart-warming (?) details of his life! read below:

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My name is Gary Lising. Secretary of Health Juan Flavier once said that I have a very nice name -- for a disease.
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I was voted as the sex symbol of Assumption College because according to them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a sex organ.
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I weighed 48 pounds when I was born -- but weighed only 3 pounds after I was circumcised.
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I was such an ugly baby. My mother only puts the negatives of my pictures in our family album.
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I was a very thin baby because I was a breastfed baby -- I was breastfed by my father.
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I grew up to be a boy wonder -- everybody always looked at me and wondered.
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I studied at the Ateneo de Manila where I took up B.S. Economics. That explains why up to now I still am poor as ever.
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I went to the United States where I lived in the penthouse of a 50 story building. My rent was only 200 dollars a month. It was very cheap because it had no elevator.
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I was drafted by the U.S. Army but I got exempted because of my religion -- I am a devout coward.
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My father is Dr. Jose Lising, a bisexual -- every time he sees sex, he buys it.
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My mother Nieva Lising is a very religious woman -- she is a nun.
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My parents are in the iron and steel business. My mother irons and my father steals.
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I am married to Maris Paredes who up to now believes that love is really blind.

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I also have a son, Bugsy, he's only five years old and he already knows how to be ashamed of me.
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I am also a firm believer in a lot of very serious facts of life. Let me share with you a few meaningful facts that I believe in:
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I BELIEVE...that if you read too much about the bad effects of smoking -- give up reading.
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I BELIEVE...Lolit Solis when she said that Mayor Lim was her former boyfriend.
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I BELIEVE...Mari Mar when she cried -- I saw tears running down her legs.
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GARY LISING, S.J.

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... aldred gatchalian drops by my clinic ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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aldred gatchalian is undoubtedly one of the more sensitive drama actors we should see more of on tv.

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right now, he's a freshman at centro escolar university (ceu) enrolled in its hotel and restaurant management program. his psychology subject required him to do a project wherein he needed to interview psychiatric patients, hence his visit to life change recovery center (the psychiatric center where i work).

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five years after pbb, it was good to touch base with aldred again. a pleasant bonus was for me to meet his groupmates for the project. i hope you kids all get a good grade for all your work!

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... online sex education "masturbation: healthy or harmful?" ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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Hadiri Webinar tentang Masturbasi

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JAKARTA, KOMPAS.com - Apakah kamu punya segudang pertanyaan soal masturbasi, tetapi enggak tau mau tanya ke mana untuk cari jawaban?
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Tidak ada orang yang merasa nyaman jika bicara tentang masturbasi. Bahkan, hanya mendengar kata itu saja dapat membuat kebanyakan orang menggeliat dalam ketidaknyamanan. Namun, apa ini benar-benar merupakan masalah besar?
. Masturbasi adalah sebuah perilaku yang sangat umum. Studi telah menunjukkan bahwa sekitar 95 persen laki-laki dan 89 persen wanita melakukan masturbasi secara teratur dan masturbasi itu adalah tindakan seksual pertama yang dilakukan oleh kebanyakan anak remaja.
. www.sexxie.tv mengundang kamu untuk mengikuti seminar online SEXXIE TALK dengan topik, "Masturbasi: Sehat atau Berbahaya? (Masturbation: Healthy or Harmful?)", Bersama Dr Randy Sebastian Misael Dellosa, seorang life coach, konselor, psikoterapis, psikolog klinik, dokter dan psikiater, yang memiliki pengalaman bertahun-tahun melakukan konseling dan terapi untuk spektrum masalah yang luas.
. Siapkan perangkat komputermu, koneksi internet, dan speaker untuk mengikuti presentasi dari Dr Dellosa mengenai topik menarik ini. Kamu pun dapat bebas memberikan pertanyaan yang akan langsung di jawab, gratis!
. Daftar sekarang melalui SMS. Ketik SW0810 ke +65 98473224 untuk mendapatkan undangan menghadiri SEXXIE TALK ini yang akan dikirimkan ke e-mail kamu. Klik link yang ada di undangan, ikuti langkah-langkah selanjutnya, dan kamu akan dengan mudah memasuki ruang seminar online. Untuk infomasi lebih lanjut kunjungi www.sexxie.tv atau e-mail ke info@sexxie.tv.
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... a generation that does not care? ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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A Generation that Does Not Care?
By RONALD S. LIM
Manila Bulletin (excerpts)
September 1, 2010, 7:46pm

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Last week, a shocked world bore witness as former policeman Rolando Mendoza held more than 20 Chinese tourists from Hong Kong hostage aboard a bus in front of the Quirino Grandstand in Manila. When negotiations broke down after more than 12 hours, Mendoza fired at his captives, resulting in the death of eight tourists.
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While the perceived incompetence of police authorities in the handling of the hostage crisis was enough to anger the people, what incensed them further was the appearance of pictures of Filipino students and policemen having their pictures taken beside the doomed bus.
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The pictures quickly circulated on social networking sites and were quickly condemned by Filipinos and Chinese alike as an incredibly insensitive act. Is this act of insensitivity unique to Filipinos?
. ‘JUST ACTING THEIR AGE’
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Filipino psychologist Randy Dellosa says that despite the inappropriateness of the act, the students that took their pictures in front of the tourist bus are just acting their age.
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“There are many reasons why the Filipino youngsters would do this. Owing to their lack of social consciousness, they do not realize the gravity of what had just happened. Because of their emotional immaturity, they fail to empathize with the emotional trauma which the victims and their families are currently going through. And lastly, some students are simply unthinking and have their pictures taken at the site just because their other classmates are doing it too,” Dellosa explains.
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While some of today’s young people are definitely insensitive, Dellosa says it is only the Internet that makes it seem like every one of them is.
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“The insensitivity of some Filipino youths is so glaring, particularly because they unabashedly exhibit their pictures on the Internet,” he says. “Because their pictures are for all to see, people may be tempted to think that insensitivity is a defining characteristic of the Filipino youth, even if it is just descriptive of a minority.”
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Dellosa also notes that narcissism by itself is not necessarily a bad thing, as this trait of today’s young people can be harnessed for the greater good.
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“All teens possess a degree of narcissism. It is narcissism which makes teens focus more on themselves so that they can develop their own adult identities,” he explains. “But when the narcissism overshadows their personality, it can make them insensitive, selfish, and arrogant.”
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EXPOSURE TO SUFFERING
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According to Dellosa, what needs to be done is a re-education of today’s youth, opening their eyes to the realities of what everyday Filipinos have to go through everyday.
. “Young Filipinos need to be exposed to the hardships and sufferings of their fellow Filipinos. When the youth become conscious of how others are in need, this may awaken their desire to empathize with others, instead of just thinking about themselves,” he says.
Dellosa also recommends teaching today’s youngsters the difference between values and virtues, to help them distinguish what behavior is acceptable in greater society.
. “Values are what individuals deem as personally important for themselves. Virtues, on the other hand, are commendable traits or qualities which are meant for the common good of all people,” he explains. “When teens are ‘virtuous,’ they become more concerned about the welfare of others act to uplift the plight of those in need.”
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... psychology of a hostage crisis ... (philippines, life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist)

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The Psychology of a Hostage Crisis
by Caroline J. Howard, ANC
08/24/2010 11:01 PM

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MANILA, Philippines - What prompted Senior Inspector Rolando Mendoza to turn from a crime-fighter to be on the wrong side of the law? What could have driven him to be an armed threat to human life instead of protecting it as he was supposed to as a man of the law?
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Before grabbing headlines for the hostage-crisis, Mendoza was counted among the top men in the country's police force. But with 4 other policemen, he was dismissed from service on charges of the illegal arrest and extortion of an individual in 2008.
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On Monday, the disgruntled police officer took the law into his own hands. In an act of desperation, he commandeered a tourist bus and took 22 Hong Kong tourists and three Filipinos hostages to prod authorities to look at his case. Mendoza wanted the Ombudsman to review his case and reinstate him into the country's police force.
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"If the case he was talking about was in 2008, that means he was harboring a grudge. It was festering in him. This was his desperate final act," psychologist Randy Dellosa said on Mornings@ANC.
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Dellosa said people react to grievances in three ways: they either don't get affected, pass it off quickly, or develop psychological disturbances. He added it is the third way that people have to watch out for.
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He said signs of depression anxiety are: insomnia or any change in sleeping patterns, changes in a person's appetite and energy level, gloominess of attitude that makes them suicidal or think about death, problems with focusing, palpitation, light-headedness and fear of death. Noting how such symptoms may remain hidden until a later time, he added clinical intervention would help diffuse the intensity of the person's feelings.
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Dellosa said Mendoza may have lost control when he realized there was no way authorities would give in to his demands after the police arrested his brother, Gregorio.
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Hostage trauma
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Dellosa said survivors of Monday's hostage crisis will need time and a lot of emotional support to recover from the trauma of the incident. He emphasized the value of family support, and the opportunity to retell the incident to reduce the intensity of emotions.
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"During times of crisis, there's the adrenaline rush, panic. So this might stay with them for a long time. Giving them physical reassurance that will help them," Dellosa noted, adding comforting gestures and human touch will go a long way.
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Dellosa said the 3-part process in addresses hostage trauma involves, diffusion or giving information, debriefing or helping survivors understand what happened, and following-up.
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He said the approach to treating the trauma depends on the individual's needs, adding children, who may not express their feelings as well, are usually more severely affected by the incident. "Whether it's adults or kids, it has to be personalized. We have to find our what their concept is of death. What was their experience inside the bus. There are some children who may not even care, it may have just been a drama they participated in and its forgettable. Sometimes, it may even be the parents who magnify or intensify their experiences, so parents have to be coached."
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Mendoza's own family will have to deal with trauma from the hostage crisis, and the circumstances surrounding their kin's death. Dellosa said the Mendozas will also need time to rest adding that while media and police may continue to hound them for a statement, they should be allowed to grieve and come to terms with their family's loss.
. A country's duty
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As the country comes to terms with the incident, and a new travel ban from Hong Kong, Dellosa said, it must remain sympathetic to the Chinese territory by showing the Philippine government's sincerity in delivering justice. "We need to show that we're doing something to rectify the fault, and keep following up the condition of hostage survivors to show we're sympathetic."
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Dellosa, however, admitted one way to cope with tragedy and grief is for people to realize and accept their humanity. “We we're all unprepared, all of us are shocked. The best thing is to realize that there are some things we can't control and some we can."
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